I've heard it said
That after you have a child you think you know what parenting is all about
and then you have another
and you realize how little you know
so true.
for me.
just stuck lukas in the tub
that'll usually keep him super happy for 25 minutes
and
give me some guilt-free computer time
it's been laundry laundry laundry
this morning
and he couldnt be less interested
like luna, lukas likes to play in the same room I'm in
and can be ok independently making his dinosaurs roar
unlike luna, he could care less what i'm doing
wanna help me sort the laundry? let's fold it together? can you put the towels in the bag for me?
no thanks mama, a jump on the back, a slick kiss on the mouth
anything but yes
i'm gonna close the lights on you mama
the game is on
let's skateboard through the house
let's sneak and eat icecream under the table
Boxcutter,
lighter,
WD-40
and spray it all over the door
the name of the game
is smile, breathe, and remember these days are numbered
live it.
luna woulda been all up in my doings
and still is
sure i can help you fold mama
actually,
i can do my own
planets apart
Monday, April 06, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
sshhh
I'm talking to imaginary people
she announces
kind of self-consciously
as i outside to where she's playing
You re talking to imaginary people?
uh-huh
well what do they say
they say
come play with me
i nod
it's so true
we all hear them
she announces
kind of self-consciously
as i outside to where she's playing
You re talking to imaginary people?
uh-huh
well what do they say
they say
come play with me
i nod
it's so true
we all hear them
I like my coffee sunny
Lukas is refilling my coffee mug
Here mama
Can I have some milk please?
You no like it black mama?
No baby
You no like it dark?
I nod
Ok mama
Lukas pours the milk in my coffee
Like that?
I nod
You like it brown mama
You don't like it like nighttime?
I nod
You like it sunny mami
Here mama
Can I have some milk please?
You no like it black mama?
No baby
You no like it dark?
I nod
Ok mama
Lukas pours the milk in my coffee
Like that?
I nod
You like it brown mama
You don't like it like nighttime?
I nod
You like it sunny mami
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Gettin our Green ON
There are so many things I love about the time I spend in Puerto Rico with Luna and Lukas
Key ones
are
rhythm and time
we are never rushing anywhere
there is no plan of events
itinerary
con compromisos pa' cumplir
this flexibility
allows for massive amounts
of
cuddletime
sleeptime
foodtime
familytime
unpluggedtime
greentime
bluetime
watch the wind shake the branches time
and stop and listen
for a long time
to the
birds
insects
coquis
and overall random
polyrthythmic nature
around us
i swear the syncopation
starts on those
leaves
Key ones
are
rhythm and time
we are never rushing anywhere
there is no plan of events
itinerary
con compromisos pa' cumplir
this flexibility
allows for massive amounts
of
cuddletime
sleeptime
foodtime
familytime
unpluggedtime
greentime
bluetime
watch the wind shake the branches time
and stop and listen
for a long time
to the
birds
insects
coquis
and overall random
polyrthythmic nature
around us
i swear the syncopation
starts on those
leaves
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Talkin ghetto
Oldie but goodie from last month i neglected to post:
havin lunch
luna and i at a favorite spot
around the way
when out of the blue
she says
do you know how to talk ghetto mama?
ghetto?
yeah, ghetto english
um, i don't know, what does ghetto english sound like?
you know, like, ain't this and you ain't that she reported with a little tilt of the head
hmm, well , who do you know that talks like that and where did you hear that ?
It turns out the fabulous movie
Akeelah and the Bee was culprit
in the movie, Spelling bar champion Akeelah, is scolded by her coach to stop talkin ghetto and start speakin proper english
the whole thing turned into a great conversation about multiple englishes
started off by my own personal rendition of Spanish Spanishstyle PuertoRicanstyle Argentinestyle Colomobianstyle Cubanstyle and not as successful attempts of a couple others
took it
to English
the coolnes of code-switching
and how usually using the expression talkin ghetto is a put-down and a way of sayin its not as good as other ways of talkin english
when really
they are all beautiful
in their own special way
'nuff said
;)
havin lunch
luna and i at a favorite spot
around the way
when out of the blue
she says
do you know how to talk ghetto mama?
ghetto?
yeah, ghetto english
um, i don't know, what does ghetto english sound like?
you know, like, ain't this and you ain't that she reported with a little tilt of the head
hmm, well , who do you know that talks like that and where did you hear that ?
It turns out the fabulous movie
Akeelah and the Bee was culprit
in the movie, Spelling bar champion Akeelah, is scolded by her coach to stop talkin ghetto and start speakin proper english
the whole thing turned into a great conversation about multiple englishes
started off by my own personal rendition of Spanish Spanishstyle PuertoRicanstyle Argentinestyle Colomobianstyle Cubanstyle and not as successful attempts of a couple others
took it
to English
the coolnes of code-switching
and how usually using the expression talkin ghetto is a put-down and a way of sayin its not as good as other ways of talkin english
when really
they are all beautiful
in their own special way
'nuff said
;)
Second Tooth
Luna had a super hard time falling asleep tonight
the tooth fairy jitters
her first tooth fell out two weeks ago
but she lost it
and so had nothing to put under her pillow
she even wrote two letters to the tooth fairy
explaining that it disappeared
but the fairy never listened
so now that # 2 fell out
it was under close surveillance
until bedtime
do you really think she'll come mama?
where does she live? i want to visit her....
the tooth fairy jitters
her first tooth fell out two weeks ago
but she lost it
and so had nothing to put under her pillow
she even wrote two letters to the tooth fairy
explaining that it disappeared
but the fairy never listened
so now that # 2 fell out
it was under close surveillance
until bedtime
do you really think she'll come mama?
where does she live? i want to visit her....
Monday, February 09, 2009
super sleuth
being a mommy
means often having to do really gross things
and really not think too much of them
like coming into intimate contact with vomit
or
the reality of my past two days
trying to determine why my son's feces is turquoise
yup
like he ingested a blue crayola magic marker
and everything comin out is dyed electric blue
part of the detective work
means
saving the crap
pokin through it
googlin blue poo
and
tracking it
as in
its more green than blue today what could that mean
the kind of gross
that i will spare my general facebook buds
but will share with the devoted few
who may wanna read on here
means often having to do really gross things
and really not think too much of them
like coming into intimate contact with vomit
or
the reality of my past two days
trying to determine why my son's feces is turquoise
yup
like he ingested a blue crayola magic marker
and everything comin out is dyed electric blue
part of the detective work
means
saving the crap
pokin through it
googlin blue poo
and
tracking it
as in
its more green than blue today what could that mean
the kind of gross
that i will spare my general facebook buds
but will share with the devoted few
who may wanna read on here
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
From the mouth of babes...
Driving along listening to talk radio, Luna's in the backseat(daydreaming I think) when I get the question: How do the people on the radio know where there's a fire?
Cute, no> Hmmm...well how do you think? Well maybe they have lots of screens in aroom and they hafta watch everywhere all the time to see what's happening. Ahh, the mega surveillence theory. At which point I tried to explain what a beat reporter does but it was all so sweet really.
Or when recently after having paid the toll at the Holland Tunnel and just wanting Luna to be aware of all the workers we have in our community, small and large, and I start to remark how it must be such a hard job to be a toll booth worker, stuck in that tiny space for long periods of time. And her response was, Well at least they get a lot of money Huh? Yeah, all the money from all the people in their cars. Ooohhh.That was a hard one to explain. Tried to go the toll money was used for public works projects route (is that even right?)But then who gets to hold the money?
Who keeps it in their house?
Cute, no> Hmmm...well how do you think? Well maybe they have lots of screens in aroom and they hafta watch everywhere all the time to see what's happening. Ahh, the mega surveillence theory. At which point I tried to explain what a beat reporter does but it was all so sweet really.
Or when recently after having paid the toll at the Holland Tunnel and just wanting Luna to be aware of all the workers we have in our community, small and large, and I start to remark how it must be such a hard job to be a toll booth worker, stuck in that tiny space for long periods of time. And her response was, Well at least they get a lot of money Huh? Yeah, all the money from all the people in their cars. Ooohhh.That was a hard one to explain. Tried to go the toll money was used for public works projects route (is that even right?)But then who gets to hold the money?
Who keeps it in their house?
Sunday, February 01, 2009
PTA business
I went to a fair for all the public schools in my district this week. Ten to fifteen schools were there, each set up at a table with either the principal, assistant principal, parent coordinator or some other parent rep. Schools had flyers, brochures, charts, some even had a slide show on a portable dvd player. I knew heading into this that participation at this fair was probably a district mandate, and besides the few "good" schools in my neighborhood, the rest were pushing a hard sales pitch.
I was interested in what they had to say. What would be the pitch? Why should I send me child to your school? Achievement, We’re really focused on achievement. Achievement. What kind of doublespeak is that? Achievement. We're really working on achievement with our kindergarteners .
I watched the principals try and read me as they spoke. Everyday the kindergarteners are writing. Even kindergarten has computer time every week. We are really focused on raising our levels of achievement. Yuck. Not what I wanted to hear. Or at least not what was impressive to me. Can I get a do-over? Please. This is the part where you tell me they get music and art and a lot of it. This is the part where you say that kindergarteners should play, a lot , and they get to, because truth be told that shit doesn't always happen afterschool. That kids are treated like the beautiful human beings that they are and not told to shut up all the time and sit still. Come on, that's what would hook me, tell me that's part of the package too.
And them at one of the less desired schools, I go over and introduce myself to the principal and request a tour at which point she responds, well our tours are on Tuesdays but if you can’t do Tuesdays just let me know and we can schedule you in whenever is convenient. So really you tell us when you can come and we'll work it out.Wow, I thought that is so incredibly flexible. At the fancy schools there's a set tour date and they never offer to change it. Wow, I thought, is that what she says to all the parents who are milling around this cafeteria or is this just an offering to the gifts she assumes my visible skin and class privilige could bring her.
I was interested in what they had to say. What would be the pitch? Why should I send me child to your school? Achievement, We’re really focused on achievement. Achievement. What kind of doublespeak is that? Achievement. We're really working on achievement with our kindergarteners .
I watched the principals try and read me as they spoke. Everyday the kindergarteners are writing. Even kindergarten has computer time every week. We are really focused on raising our levels of achievement. Yuck. Not what I wanted to hear. Or at least not what was impressive to me. Can I get a do-over? Please. This is the part where you tell me they get music and art and a lot of it. This is the part where you say that kindergarteners should play, a lot , and they get to, because truth be told that shit doesn't always happen afterschool. That kids are treated like the beautiful human beings that they are and not told to shut up all the time and sit still. Come on, that's what would hook me, tell me that's part of the package too.
And them at one of the less desired schools, I go over and introduce myself to the principal and request a tour at which point she responds, well our tours are on Tuesdays but if you can’t do Tuesdays just let me know and we can schedule you in whenever is convenient. So really you tell us when you can come and we'll work it out.Wow, I thought that is so incredibly flexible. At the fancy schools there's a set tour date and they never offer to change it. Wow, I thought, is that what she says to all the parents who are milling around this cafeteria or is this just an offering to the gifts she assumes my visible skin and class privilige could bring her.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Doggie Run
I'm sitting in bed
reading
the door is ajar
and i watch
Lukas
on his hands and knees yelling Ruff Ruff Mommy
Luna throwing around credit cards for her doggie to fetch
a very obedient puppy
Sit and he does
reading
the door is ajar
and i watch
Lukas
on his hands and knees yelling Ruff Ruff Mommy
Luna throwing around credit cards for her doggie to fetch
a very obedient puppy
Sit and he does
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Tear Jerker
luna cried watching a movie tonite
is was a pretty intense awakening for her
Akeelah and the Bee - how cute is that?
she yells for me pointing incredulously to her watery eyes
look look its making me cry!!
and then she kinda beamed
like she recognized the beauty of the feeling
of feeling compassionate for the character
such a stark difference
to the normal deadpan face projected when watching dose after dose of saccharine children's programming
its like she was astonished
that a movie could provoke her to become emotional.
little does she remember that it did happen once when she was 3
and the movie was Spirit
but still
it was different
is was a pretty intense awakening for her
Akeelah and the Bee - how cute is that?
she yells for me pointing incredulously to her watery eyes
look look its making me cry!!
and then she kinda beamed
like she recognized the beauty of the feeling
of feeling compassionate for the character
such a stark difference
to the normal deadpan face projected when watching dose after dose of saccharine children's programming
its like she was astonished
that a movie could provoke her to become emotional.
little does she remember that it did happen once when she was 3
and the movie was Spirit
but still
it was different
Friday, September 19, 2008
sweetly sleeping
dear lukas leon,
I can't believe you are only 2 and change, 32 months, 3 in January.
I feel like I've been with you forever
but also
not
new layers shed
petals grow
wild
to know you
every single day of life
boy
monkey
lion
I can't believe you are only 2 and change, 32 months, 3 in January.
I feel like I've been with you forever
but also
not
new layers shed
petals grow
wild
to know you
every single day of life
boy
monkey
lion
Pressing Election questions
Did John McCain's wife have her babies out of her vagina or did she have to cut her belly?
Did Barack Obama's wife have her babies out of her vagina or did she have to cut her belly?
Does John McCain have any children? Boys or girls? What are their names? How old are they?
Does Barack Obama have any children? Boys or girls? What are their names? How old are they?
Does John McCain have any pets?
Does Barack Obama have any pets?
Did Barack Obama's wife have her babies out of her vagina or did she have to cut her belly?
Does John McCain have any children? Boys or girls? What are their names? How old are they?
Does Barack Obama have any children? Boys or girls? What are their names? How old are they?
Does John McCain have any pets?
Does Barack Obama have any pets?
Birth
So Luna asks me intensely the other day: How did I get out of your belly? The look on her eyes told me, "don't play ma, what is the story lady?" And so I said "You came out my vagina?" "Oh. But don't some people they have to open their stomach?" And so I went on to explain a C-Section and there were 9 million questions. How do they cut it? Who cuts it? Does it hurt ? And on. The odd, funny maybe deep thing about the whole conversation was that she really had little to no questions about vaginal birth. As if it sounded like the most normal thing in the world. As if why would anyone think it'd ever be too early to tell me that?
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Wheels
Watching Lukas on his scooter is pretty amazing
and its not just because i'm his mom
people stop me right and left
talkin bout how old is he, shakin their heads, as he whizzes by
fearless
unstoppable
blond ambition
flyin by
experimenting with pop-up wheelies
ballerina arabesques
and fancy footwork
weaving through the Loisaida streets
Luna on her 2 wheeler tryin to keep up
with the mad urban surfer
ridin those street cracks
free as birds
and its not just because i'm his mom
people stop me right and left
talkin bout how old is he, shakin their heads, as he whizzes by
fearless
unstoppable
blond ambition
flyin by
experimenting with pop-up wheelies
ballerina arabesques
and fancy footwork
weaving through the Loisaida streets
Luna on her 2 wheeler tryin to keep up
with the mad urban surfer
ridin those street cracks
free as birds
Monday, August 04, 2008
when i grow up
when youre a big kid or a grown -up you get to walk out by yourself
pretty soon im going to be a big kid and im going to walk out by myself and get bubble gum
when i grow up
im gonna have my own house
and i'm gonna live in brooklyn (whered she get that?)
i just love these shoes mama (re: high heels)
when im a big kid and when im a grown up im going to wear these shoes everyday
even when im dead im going to wear these shoes everyday
but not with the same clothes
pretty soon im going to be a big kid and im going to walk out by myself and get bubble gum
when i grow up
im gonna have my own house
and i'm gonna live in brooklyn (whered she get that?)
i just love these shoes mama (re: high heels)
when im a big kid and when im a grown up im going to wear these shoes everyday
even when im dead im going to wear these shoes everyday
but not with the same clothes
Thursday, July 31, 2008
unbridled
lukas is talkin lots these days
mostly expressing what he wants
doesnt want
likes
doesnt like
no celebrity talk
gossip or chitchat
just
raw
uncensored
unmediated
outbursts of
joy
anger
fear
sadness
the bigees
and then some
how does it all get so layered
occulted and restrained
why is acting childish a bad thing?
mostly expressing what he wants
doesnt want
likes
doesnt like
no celebrity talk
gossip or chitchat
just
raw
uncensored
unmediated
outbursts of
joy
anger
fear
sadness
the bigees
and then some
how does it all get so layered
occulted and restrained
why is acting childish a bad thing?
eye level at 3 feet
Ive let luna use my digital camera since she was three
i say use and not play
shell sit with it, take, delet, and playback images
yada yada yada
anyway so
now and then again she'll request to use it.
with intention.
next thing i know there goes a zillion shots on the memory card
what strikes me about them
is not their framing or composition,
or they being some ironic tongue in cheek type shot of a guy in handcuffs in front of an american flag
but how they so profoundly capture and log
what she deems most significant and important in her world
pictures out the bus window
trees, people, fire hydrants
her new kicks
or the endless digital self-portraits
that someone's dissertation is deconstructing
countless shots of mundane objects in the house
candles and detergent bottles
pancake recipes in cookbooks, purses, toys
the building and her hood
tiled floors, apartment numbers, new friends in the park
dirty feet
grass leaves flowers
simple
i see the world through a childs eyes
what is picture worthy
picture perfect
snapshot or photographs
both
i say use and not play
shell sit with it, take, delet, and playback images
yada yada yada
anyway so
now and then again she'll request to use it.
with intention.
next thing i know there goes a zillion shots on the memory card
what strikes me about them
is not their framing or composition,
or they being some ironic tongue in cheek type shot of a guy in handcuffs in front of an american flag
but how they so profoundly capture and log
what she deems most significant and important in her world
pictures out the bus window
trees, people, fire hydrants
her new kicks
or the endless digital self-portraits
that someone's dissertation is deconstructing
countless shots of mundane objects in the house
candles and detergent bottles
pancake recipes in cookbooks, purses, toys
the building and her hood
tiled floors, apartment numbers, new friends in the park
dirty feet
grass leaves flowers
simple
i see the world through a childs eyes
what is picture worthy
picture perfect
snapshot or photographs
both
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
thoughts before bedtime
A moment I enjoy very much is the time right before the kids afll asllep. No, to the cynics reading, not beacuse I am happy they will soon be asleep but because it is in that quiet dark space that Luna (so far) will say the most randomest things that help clue me in to some part of her psyche that she has not shared with me thus far. From her "last thoughts before I totallly just knock out" I get a chance to hear what she is replaying or turning over in her mind.
Tonite for example, she asks;
Do you know the game Seven Up?
Memories of first grade with Ms.McCay came back to me.
I'm not sure, tell me about it I say.
I love to hear her explain things.
well you hafta put your heads down and your thumbs up and the picker puts a thumb down
and then you hafta guess the picker.
That sounded right. And intelligebile, at least to someone who's played before.
Why do you ask?
well we played today in summer camp. And I got to be the picker.
Did you gave fun? Did you like the game?
Yeah. they said we're gonna get to play it again. I was thinking when Papi comes back from California maybe we
could all play seven-up, the whole family.
On other recent occasions:
Just one more question before I go to sleep mami...
Am I six feet tall?
Now that was truly random and without further explanation.
Or the more common:
How many more days until my birthday?
Luna and I had a really intense moment not too long ago when I joked with her and told her that next year on her birthday I was only going to put five instead of six candles on her cake. At first she just smiled in the dark, but then when I continued in a serious way about it, she became really upset. Luna emphatically repeated "you can't mama i'm going to be six, i'm going to be six" and it was clear this was something of grave importance to her. Tear provoking importance. I felt badly and told her I was just kidding and I think her sigh of relief was so great it just sent her off to sleep immediately. The symbol of the candle, to imagine feeling that someone could make you stuck at a certain age, it's all such a trip.
Tonite for example, she asks;
Do you know the game Seven Up?
Memories of first grade with Ms.McCay came back to me.
I'm not sure, tell me about it I say.
I love to hear her explain things.
well you hafta put your heads down and your thumbs up and the picker puts a thumb down
and then you hafta guess the picker.
That sounded right. And intelligebile, at least to someone who's played before.
Why do you ask?
well we played today in summer camp. And I got to be the picker.
Did you gave fun? Did you like the game?
Yeah. they said we're gonna get to play it again. I was thinking when Papi comes back from California maybe we
could all play seven-up, the whole family.
On other recent occasions:
Just one more question before I go to sleep mami...
Am I six feet tall?
Now that was truly random and without further explanation.
Or the more common:
How many more days until my birthday?
Luna and I had a really intense moment not too long ago when I joked with her and told her that next year on her birthday I was only going to put five instead of six candles on her cake. At first she just smiled in the dark, but then when I continued in a serious way about it, she became really upset. Luna emphatically repeated "you can't mama i'm going to be six, i'm going to be six" and it was clear this was something of grave importance to her. Tear provoking importance. I felt badly and told her I was just kidding and I think her sigh of relief was so great it just sent her off to sleep immediately. The symbol of the candle, to imagine feeling that someone could make you stuck at a certain age, it's all such a trip.
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