The scene:
I'm on the computer in the soon-to-be hooked up den/office/spillover kids room. Luna and Lukas rae occupying themselves for the time being in her room. Luna seems to be mostly talking to herself and her friendsat school that she imagines to be there with her. She seems to be negotiating sharing her sandwich(also imaginary ) with them. She is also using big grown-up scissors to cut pieces o f packing tape that i think she's using to make/tape some papers together. Lukas is quietly pulling most things off her shelves and tossing them on the floor. Lukas starts to grunt at her.
Luna interrupts her monologue, turns to him , and says, "Si, lukas yo me llamo Luna. Muy bien Lukas. Yo me llamo Luna." She then turns back around and continues talking with herself.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Quote of the Day
In the backseat, out of the blue, Luna says:
" Mama, Irene is like mama como Luna is like Moon, right?"
Luna's first analogy.
" Mama, Irene is like mama como Luna is like Moon, right?"
Luna's first analogy.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
the juggling has officially begun
lukas is now 9 months old and its been harder for me to write since i went back to work
it seems kinda crazy since its only twice a week but it really does add chaos into the mix
the juggling has officially begun
Lukas is a freakin delight
his top three teeth just bared themselves to us this week
today he stood for a second without holding onto anything
and even though he still seems to be the pickiest eating 9 month older at the thompkins sqaure park playground
my mom did get him to eat a lentil today
see it must the Spanish cooking
he doesnt want that gerber bottled crap i buy
i supppose i gotta sautee him up some food mixed with love
maybe hen he'll put on some weight
pablo and i did our first pre-k tour yesterday at a local public school
it was ok - didnt love it , didnt hate it--if luna went there itd be fine i suppose
weird thing was that the school is 53% black and latino and the overwhelming majority of the folks on the tour were white....did that have to do with the fact that the tour was at 9 and parents would have to potentially go late to work to tour and some people can afford to miss work and some cant? i dunno....then the parent coordinator who gave the tour ws PuertoRican but a white father from the school volunteered to "help" out and accompanied u son the tour and chimd in and helped give answers to questions parents asked...i noticed none of the other white led tours seemed to have similar "volunteers"...... i dunno, but it definetley had me thinking about the racial politics and choices in my daugters upcoming education...too many things to figure out
luna is as wonderful as can be..she is very busy writing these days. love stiny little notepads where she writes rows of the letter L or O and then translates the messages for me.
shes my little squirrel, her toys are like acorns that she carries around the house with her..i find them hidden behind cereal boxes, in my bedside drawers, next to my toothpaste...wrapped in toilet paper, napkins, covered with tape - these are her treasures. A found seed. A special pen. An envelope discarded.
it seems kinda crazy since its only twice a week but it really does add chaos into the mix
the juggling has officially begun
Lukas is a freakin delight
his top three teeth just bared themselves to us this week
today he stood for a second without holding onto anything
and even though he still seems to be the pickiest eating 9 month older at the thompkins sqaure park playground
my mom did get him to eat a lentil today
see it must the Spanish cooking
he doesnt want that gerber bottled crap i buy
i supppose i gotta sautee him up some food mixed with love
maybe hen he'll put on some weight
pablo and i did our first pre-k tour yesterday at a local public school
it was ok - didnt love it , didnt hate it--if luna went there itd be fine i suppose
weird thing was that the school is 53% black and latino and the overwhelming majority of the folks on the tour were white....did that have to do with the fact that the tour was at 9 and parents would have to potentially go late to work to tour and some people can afford to miss work and some cant? i dunno....then the parent coordinator who gave the tour ws PuertoRican but a white father from the school volunteered to "help" out and accompanied u son the tour and chimd in and helped give answers to questions parents asked...i noticed none of the other white led tours seemed to have similar "volunteers"...... i dunno, but it definetley had me thinking about the racial politics and choices in my daugters upcoming education...too many things to figure out
luna is as wonderful as can be..she is very busy writing these days. love stiny little notepads where she writes rows of the letter L or O and then translates the messages for me.
shes my little squirrel, her toys are like acorns that she carries around the house with her..i find them hidden behind cereal boxes, in my bedside drawers, next to my toothpaste...wrapped in toilet paper, napkins, covered with tape - these are her treasures. A found seed. A special pen. An envelope discarded.
Monday, August 21, 2006
New on the kiddie front
Lukas turned 7 months today. Still offically refusing the bottle so next week when I'm back at work will not be fun at all for Titi , his babysitter. tried baby food again today after a brief stint in Germany and then a two week hiatus. The peaches and bananas were a huge hit ,the avocado and zucchini made him gag and vomit. I'm really hoping he's not going to be a picky eater , but i have a slight premonition he might be. Maybe he just has a sweet tooth.
his favorite thing to do these days is crawl around and sample everything with his mouth. we especially need to be on shoe alert since that seems to be his number one attraction. WE.ve been keeping them in a box by the door that Luna will cover when she sees him crawl in their direction. He also likes to stand by the stove and watch the action.
Luna is just three going on thirty. She's reminding me all day of things I need to do, groceries we need to buy, and the laundry we need to pick up. Can you tell I've been doing my thinking aloud around her? She's also super into writing. She has a zillion little notebooks and pencils or markers and she imitates me making lists of things . She's always asking me what are you writing mama? She gets so excited when she recognizes a letter of the alphabet or spots a letter in her name in a different word. Lately she's really been into playing with her dolls. She'll play by herself- I hear her cooking for them, reading books to them, putting them to sleep, caring for them when theyre sick. It is so damn precious. Delicious. And in the past two months she's started to pick out her clothes. THat's another new development.Scrumptious.
his favorite thing to do these days is crawl around and sample everything with his mouth. we especially need to be on shoe alert since that seems to be his number one attraction. WE.ve been keeping them in a box by the door that Luna will cover when she sees him crawl in their direction. He also likes to stand by the stove and watch the action.
Luna is just three going on thirty. She's reminding me all day of things I need to do, groceries we need to buy, and the laundry we need to pick up. Can you tell I've been doing my thinking aloud around her? She's also super into writing. She has a zillion little notebooks and pencils or markers and she imitates me making lists of things . She's always asking me what are you writing mama? She gets so excited when she recognizes a letter of the alphabet or spots a letter in her name in a different word. Lately she's really been into playing with her dolls. She'll play by herself- I hear her cooking for them, reading books to them, putting them to sleep, caring for them when theyre sick. It is so damn precious. Delicious. And in the past two months she's started to pick out her clothes. THat's another new development.Scrumptious.
Duplex denial
So Luna, Lukas and I are sleeping on the couch together tonight. And it's not a pullout-couch.
THis two floor thing is just hard for me to maneuver alone with the kids. I guess I'll have to get a baby monitor like a suburban mom.
The problem is I'm worried they might roll off my bed without my body to barricade the edge. So since I didn't feel like going to sleep tonight at 9:30 , like I probably should have, I had to put them to sleep upstairs in the room where I can email.
A flight of stairs to go to the bedroom? It all feels so disconnected and far. After all, I'm justa simple girl from Queens who grew up in an apartment with one bathroom. I don't know...I'm starting to miss one room living. Too many rooms to spread the mess and then worry about straightening up
THis two floor thing is just hard for me to maneuver alone with the kids. I guess I'll have to get a baby monitor like a suburban mom.
The problem is I'm worried they might roll off my bed without my body to barricade the edge. So since I didn't feel like going to sleep tonight at 9:30 , like I probably should have, I had to put them to sleep upstairs in the room where I can email.
A flight of stairs to go to the bedroom? It all feels so disconnected and far. After all, I'm justa simple girl from Queens who grew up in an apartment with one bathroom. I don't know...I'm starting to miss one room living. Too many rooms to spread the mess and then worry about straightening up
having sick children sucks
so it's almost funny to me now that I see the last time I had written was at the beginning of what proved to be two sick weeks with Lukas, which included eight nights in the hospital, and now it's all over and done.
I would not have guessed the last time I blogged that Lukas/ two day fever would slowly creep to 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 days of fever topping out at 104.4. Oh also a three day rash in the middle. And a night in the hospital whie they tried to figure it out and pricked his body for test tubes.
this inexplicable condition(later called "randon virus") left poor LL's immune system shot
and ripe for the attack
of a nasty bacteria that blew his eye up to the size of a golf ball. Boy had his eye glued shot. Looked like he had been knocked out in round one by some giant baby boxer.
All kinds of tests, blood tests, urine tests, Cat Scan. You name it. Damn eye refuses to buckle to antibiotics. We had a scary few days where we wondered how much more the infection would spread. The pediatric opthamologist and company had to basically pry open his eye and hold it open with these torturous calipers. Yes they used numbing drops. No I don't think they worked because I've never heard him sream like that and he had me crying.
Finally on day three his eyeball began to appear once again. Never so glad to see an eyeball in my life.
Had me shacked up with him at Hotel St.Vincent's( as I referred to my stay) ...Swear I was getting bed sores from that damn twin cot we shared. Yes he had a crib. No he did not sleep there.
Pretty great view of the West Village from our suite. Seventh Avenue rarely has traffic and WEst 11th Street looks like a forest from above are my newfound conclusions. It's really nice to get daytime visitors because mostly people are usually at work and it's a loooong day since they are basically checking his temperature around the clock
Hospital food left me looking like I need to be fed and no I wasn't going to be ordering $ 10 minimum delivery three times a day. Had my hour of parole when Pablo and Luna would visit in the evening. THen I'd take Luna for a stroll so we could do a little motherdaughter bonding and I could leave the eighth floor.
Haven't watched that much daytime TV in my life. i now have a newfound addiction to Oprah, The View AND becoming their new host. Call Barbara Walters now.
On the brightside,
we did do some serious bonding, Lukas and I. As much as I wanted to read my paper or magazines, Lukas would only let me at it for 15 minutes or so before his rotation of crib toys thoroughly bored his ass. So mostly he'd just hang on the bed with me. WE cuddled. Boy did we cuddle. That was the best. He's so damn cute. And in a twisted way it was nice to just disappear and not have to deal with the day to day nonsense and just be holed up in a hospital reading Star magazine and spending serious QT with my Lukis
And it was wild to take note of this killer maternal instinct aimed at every person that approached my child. I scrutinized their hands and took note of their personal hygiene. Requested they scrub up if necessary .
THe whole hospital sociology is enough material for a doctorate thesis so that was pretty interesting to witness and observe. THe pecking order of nurse assistants, nurses, residents and doctors...never mind that all the residents appeared to be younger than I and so their manner and tone was generally just weird...
The best part was when I scolded the res and told her I didn't like her bedside manner. Ok I'm clearly rambling.....
POint of it all is Luna's on rotation now at the infirmary which is my house. SHe's got an ear infection. So now each of them is taking two different medications that need to be administered at different times of day in different doses over different periods of time and I swear that that in itself is a full-time job. Like I need to make a huge chart/timeline of it all and stick it on my wall.
On another note I am so very priviliged not to have to worry about hospital fees, doctors rates, or the climbing number of sick visit co-pays I've accumulated this August. I have good health insurance. I am in the finicially stable position of being able to stay by Lukas' side for eight nights in the hospital. I have a partner that helped me with Luna and could turn to for emotional support.
And there goes two weeks of my life because really Ive done nothing else except manage their health and try to stay sane in the process. Children replace you as the most important people in the world. And that is a joy . To love so much. Gotta go wake up Luks. Time for his meds.....
I would not have guessed the last time I blogged that Lukas/ two day fever would slowly creep to 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 days of fever topping out at 104.4. Oh also a three day rash in the middle. And a night in the hospital whie they tried to figure it out and pricked his body for test tubes.
this inexplicable condition(later called "randon virus") left poor LL's immune system shot
and ripe for the attack
of a nasty bacteria that blew his eye up to the size of a golf ball. Boy had his eye glued shot. Looked like he had been knocked out in round one by some giant baby boxer.
All kinds of tests, blood tests, urine tests, Cat Scan. You name it. Damn eye refuses to buckle to antibiotics. We had a scary few days where we wondered how much more the infection would spread. The pediatric opthamologist and company had to basically pry open his eye and hold it open with these torturous calipers. Yes they used numbing drops. No I don't think they worked because I've never heard him sream like that and he had me crying.
Finally on day three his eyeball began to appear once again. Never so glad to see an eyeball in my life.
Had me shacked up with him at Hotel St.Vincent's( as I referred to my stay) ...Swear I was getting bed sores from that damn twin cot we shared. Yes he had a crib. No he did not sleep there.
Pretty great view of the West Village from our suite. Seventh Avenue rarely has traffic and WEst 11th Street looks like a forest from above are my newfound conclusions. It's really nice to get daytime visitors because mostly people are usually at work and it's a loooong day since they are basically checking his temperature around the clock
Hospital food left me looking like I need to be fed and no I wasn't going to be ordering $ 10 minimum delivery three times a day. Had my hour of parole when Pablo and Luna would visit in the evening. THen I'd take Luna for a stroll so we could do a little motherdaughter bonding and I could leave the eighth floor.
Haven't watched that much daytime TV in my life. i now have a newfound addiction to Oprah, The View AND becoming their new host. Call Barbara Walters now.
On the brightside,
we did do some serious bonding, Lukas and I. As much as I wanted to read my paper or magazines, Lukas would only let me at it for 15 minutes or so before his rotation of crib toys thoroughly bored his ass. So mostly he'd just hang on the bed with me. WE cuddled. Boy did we cuddle. That was the best. He's so damn cute. And in a twisted way it was nice to just disappear and not have to deal with the day to day nonsense and just be holed up in a hospital reading Star magazine and spending serious QT with my Lukis
And it was wild to take note of this killer maternal instinct aimed at every person that approached my child. I scrutinized their hands and took note of their personal hygiene. Requested they scrub up if necessary .
THe whole hospital sociology is enough material for a doctorate thesis so that was pretty interesting to witness and observe. THe pecking order of nurse assistants, nurses, residents and doctors...never mind that all the residents appeared to be younger than I and so their manner and tone was generally just weird...
The best part was when I scolded the res and told her I didn't like her bedside manner. Ok I'm clearly rambling.....
POint of it all is Luna's on rotation now at the infirmary which is my house. SHe's got an ear infection. So now each of them is taking two different medications that need to be administered at different times of day in different doses over different periods of time and I swear that that in itself is a full-time job. Like I need to make a huge chart/timeline of it all and stick it on my wall.
On another note I am so very priviliged not to have to worry about hospital fees, doctors rates, or the climbing number of sick visit co-pays I've accumulated this August. I have good health insurance. I am in the finicially stable position of being able to stay by Lukas' side for eight nights in the hospital. I have a partner that helped me with Luna and could turn to for emotional support.
And there goes two weeks of my life because really Ive done nothing else except manage their health and try to stay sane in the process. Children replace you as the most important people in the world. And that is a joy . To love so much. Gotta go wake up Luks. Time for his meds.....
Friday, August 04, 2006
vaccines suck
poor little LUki has not been such a happy camper these past almost 48 hours
the damn shots just made him into zombie baby and now hot baby
as in damn this baby's hot, hot
as in give him a bath at 3 in the morning to cool him down and i think we gotta keep track of his fever rectally hot, hot
poor baby
i started to really freak when he turned his head away at my boob
i couldnt believe it
what? how you gonna deny yourself my boob in your time of need
made me a little panicky-he must really be not feeling well i thought
for a brief hot second fleeting thought sof weaning him flashed
but the sadness at the prospect that followed set me straight
go figure
being a mommy, a stay at home mommy is to dance the yin and yang of motherhood
most of the time i am loving it, but then there are the moments of struggle
i love how connected i feel with him, the communiation that passes in our eye contact is unreal
how is it that a mother can know exactly what her child is feeling---it is no wonder then , that she panics when she can't figure out what it could be
i love my lazy days with him, bathing him old school in the kitchen sink
my companion for the day
all day --my sidekick, my buddy
it is special
by home is starting to take shape
i am giving myself to the end of the month
then i have to start to shift and begin to focus on other things hopefully
but it is pretty hard to do when you live in clutter
tryin to clear the clutter these days
come over and take some home with you
nah
just carry it out
;)
the damn shots just made him into zombie baby and now hot baby
as in damn this baby's hot, hot
as in give him a bath at 3 in the morning to cool him down and i think we gotta keep track of his fever rectally hot, hot
poor baby
i started to really freak when he turned his head away at my boob
i couldnt believe it
what? how you gonna deny yourself my boob in your time of need
made me a little panicky-he must really be not feeling well i thought
for a brief hot second fleeting thought sof weaning him flashed
but the sadness at the prospect that followed set me straight
go figure
being a mommy, a stay at home mommy is to dance the yin and yang of motherhood
most of the time i am loving it, but then there are the moments of struggle
i love how connected i feel with him, the communiation that passes in our eye contact is unreal
how is it that a mother can know exactly what her child is feeling---it is no wonder then , that she panics when she can't figure out what it could be
i love my lazy days with him, bathing him old school in the kitchen sink
my companion for the day
all day --my sidekick, my buddy
it is special
by home is starting to take shape
i am giving myself to the end of the month
then i have to start to shift and begin to focus on other things hopefully
but it is pretty hard to do when you live in clutter
tryin to clear the clutter these days
come over and take some home with you
nah
just carry it out
;)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
ms.independent
everything is preceded by I can do it myself
and the crazy thing is she can
or at least it seems as though ever since she pulled her dora suitcase through the berlin airport something magically transformed her into a little girl
im not a baby mama
im a girl
she can dress herself, full-on pull the shirt over her head and get the arms through
i skipped over picking out the clothes, another brand new development
she keeps herself amazingly busy when lukas naps in the hotel room by working
im working mama. i cant talk right now .you have to wait a few minutes
then she procedes to throw all her clothes on the floor and individually fold (or attemppt to fold) each one and place them in a neat anal row
she'll do the same with lukas' things and offer to refold all my clothes also
she also works at the desk making methodical rows of the letters L and O on hotel note paper, cutting them up with scissors and folding them into presents for us or she'll play with the digital camera and go through the photos we've taken and remind me of all the little details ive already forgotten about each one
the bathroom door is closed sometimes these days
i need privacy mama
ok i say and pretend to nonchantly continue doing whatever i was doing slighly saddened? miffed? pushed aside? by the closing door
ooh im gonna freak when she leaves me one day for good
a penis looks kinda like a hot dog, right mama?
this i get ten minutes into naptime when i coulda sworn she was sleeping
what prompted this thought at a totally nonpenis moment?
i do not know
and the crazy thing is she can
or at least it seems as though ever since she pulled her dora suitcase through the berlin airport something magically transformed her into a little girl
im not a baby mama
im a girl
she can dress herself, full-on pull the shirt over her head and get the arms through
i skipped over picking out the clothes, another brand new development
she keeps herself amazingly busy when lukas naps in the hotel room by working
im working mama. i cant talk right now .you have to wait a few minutes
then she procedes to throw all her clothes on the floor and individually fold (or attemppt to fold) each one and place them in a neat anal row
she'll do the same with lukas' things and offer to refold all my clothes also
she also works at the desk making methodical rows of the letters L and O on hotel note paper, cutting them up with scissors and folding them into presents for us or she'll play with the digital camera and go through the photos we've taken and remind me of all the little details ive already forgotten about each one
the bathroom door is closed sometimes these days
i need privacy mama
ok i say and pretend to nonchantly continue doing whatever i was doing slighly saddened? miffed? pushed aside? by the closing door
ooh im gonna freak when she leaves me one day for good
a penis looks kinda like a hot dog, right mama?
this i get ten minutes into naptime when i coulda sworn she was sleeping
what prompted this thought at a totally nonpenis moment?
i do not know
lukas in deutchland
lukas podowsky is a famous player on the geramn national soccer team
been the running joke when i say his name
hardy har har
lukas leon will be competing in some infant weighlifting competition any day now because boy is he strong
no joke
my boy is crawling and sitting up and basically pulling himself up and he's ony 51/2 months
out of control
all on my milk because try to get him to swallow a spoon of carrots and no way jose
lately hes finding the carpet at the hotel lobby most interesting as well as mauling any travel brochure, map, or colorful publication
fell off the bed and suffered a slight bump and scratch to the head but nothing a few pellets of arnica didnt heal right up
been the running joke when i say his name
hardy har har
lukas leon will be competing in some infant weighlifting competition any day now because boy is he strong
no joke
my boy is crawling and sitting up and basically pulling himself up and he's ony 51/2 months
out of control
all on my milk because try to get him to swallow a spoon of carrots and no way jose
lately hes finding the carpet at the hotel lobby most interesting as well as mauling any travel brochure, map, or colorful publication
fell off the bed and suffered a slight bump and scratch to the head but nothing a few pellets of arnica didnt heal right up
2 weeks in berlin and counting....
honeysuckle
strict adherence to all street crossing rules even if there is not a moving vehicle anywhere in sight
lady taxi drivers riding fancy beamers with built in child booster seats
child friiendly germans at the sightseeing spots leeting mamas with kiddies jump to the front of the queue
pregnant women on bicycles - why dont I see them in new york?
naked children running buck wild at the playgrounds
beer at the playgrounds
sandboxes at the beer gardens
inflatable kiddie pools by the tables outside next to bar
tasty apple fizzy soda
cheap delicious icecream
and croissants
who would have guessed
styley grocery carts at the market
and lots and lots of green
the male energy at the stadium was palpable the day of the argentina germany game
the homophobic chants by the argentine fans "a esos putos hay que ganar" and the brawny german men double fisting beer was overwhelming
something about being in sucha sausage filled stadium made me uneasy
the physical presence and power of all these men srceaming
i missed the long lines at the ladies room
where were all the ladies at?
thousands of people at t he event and barely no line for the toilet
now that is pretty damn wild
strict adherence to all street crossing rules even if there is not a moving vehicle anywhere in sight
lady taxi drivers riding fancy beamers with built in child booster seats
child friiendly germans at the sightseeing spots leeting mamas with kiddies jump to the front of the queue
pregnant women on bicycles - why dont I see them in new york?
naked children running buck wild at the playgrounds
beer at the playgrounds
sandboxes at the beer gardens
inflatable kiddie pools by the tables outside next to bar
tasty apple fizzy soda
cheap delicious icecream
and croissants
who would have guessed
styley grocery carts at the market
and lots and lots of green
the male energy at the stadium was palpable the day of the argentina germany game
the homophobic chants by the argentine fans "a esos putos hay que ganar" and the brawny german men double fisting beer was overwhelming
something about being in sucha sausage filled stadium made me uneasy
the physical presence and power of all these men srceaming
i missed the long lines at the ladies room
where were all the ladies at?
thousands of people at t he event and barely no line for the toilet
now that is pretty damn wild
Thursday, June 22, 2006
turtle
intense
determined
focused
chill
easy
words i hear over and over about my cub, not yet lion, more turtle with his too small head for bigger body
crawling along pine planks
i'd add mama's boy to the list
along with
sweet.
together we watched the brazil japan game at ZumScheider
fiercely clutching my finger when the barheads cheered, Luks looked to me with a quizzical expression
whats all the noise?
don't worry baby, just try and fall asleep
metaphysical communication
works
determined
focused
chill
easy
words i hear over and over about my cub, not yet lion, more turtle with his too small head for bigger body
crawling along pine planks
i'd add mama's boy to the list
along with
sweet.
together we watched the brazil japan game at ZumScheider
fiercely clutching my finger when the barheads cheered, Luks looked to me with a quizzical expression
whats all the noise?
don't worry baby, just try and fall asleep
metaphysical communication
works
Monday, June 19, 2006
samsara
luna has this incredible vision of her life's course..
basically she's been talking about her future journey over the past few months as though it is fluid and not linear . She'll say things like "when i get smaller I'll crawl" or "when you're a baby [to me] you'll be in the stroller" or better yet, "when I 'm a boy I'll have a penis"...I look at her and nod and smile when she says these things and I wonder is she alluding to some pat life expeience or memory on these pronouncements???
she's only three years out my belly, much closer to the Source than I am so that's gotta count for a whole lot of unadultered wisdom...She will have a penis when she's a boy, I'm just not sure when that'll be although Luna seems to be sure it will happen
the past five months with Lukas in our lives have been huge for my Serenita. her english has just skyrocketed- her teachers can't believe we don't speak it to her at home...and boy does she love to play teacher. reading her books aloud to an imaginary audience, stopping way too often to reprimand the class to pay attention, sit straight and be still. the indoctrination has begun
she's been my incredibly patient sidekick through these months- I can count on her to remember where I put my keys, bring me my purse, watch Luaks so he doesn't roll off the couch..
speeding a block ahead of me on the scooter I see her taste freedom in her hair, it comes out her fingers...
the family is the reocurring image in her figures- it used to be just faces but now we all have bodiesand hair, next to her signature L
one mommy friend said she could see luna as a healing arts therapist when she's older. wouldnt be bad to have a masseuse in the fam, her teacher says she'll be a journalist, but luna says (unprompted) when she's big she's gonna be a teacher
and that was Not my idea
basically she's been talking about her future journey over the past few months as though it is fluid and not linear . She'll say things like "when i get smaller I'll crawl" or "when you're a baby [to me] you'll be in the stroller" or better yet, "when I 'm a boy I'll have a penis"...I look at her and nod and smile when she says these things and I wonder is she alluding to some pat life expeience or memory on these pronouncements???
she's only three years out my belly, much closer to the Source than I am so that's gotta count for a whole lot of unadultered wisdom...She will have a penis when she's a boy, I'm just not sure when that'll be although Luna seems to be sure it will happen
the past five months with Lukas in our lives have been huge for my Serenita. her english has just skyrocketed- her teachers can't believe we don't speak it to her at home...and boy does she love to play teacher. reading her books aloud to an imaginary audience, stopping way too often to reprimand the class to pay attention, sit straight and be still. the indoctrination has begun
she's been my incredibly patient sidekick through these months- I can count on her to remember where I put my keys, bring me my purse, watch Luaks so he doesn't roll off the couch..
speeding a block ahead of me on the scooter I see her taste freedom in her hair, it comes out her fingers...
the family is the reocurring image in her figures- it used to be just faces but now we all have bodiesand hair, next to her signature L
one mommy friend said she could see luna as a healing arts therapist when she's older. wouldnt be bad to have a masseuse in the fam, her teacher says she'll be a journalist, but luna says (unprompted) when she's big she's gonna be a teacher
and that was Not my idea
outta my system
I better start posting before this blog gets cancelled or something
so much has happened this month that it really has felt too hard to write
mostly its the fact that ive been here alone with the babies while pablo is in germany so thats been challenging
to tell the tuth lukas is really just as chill as could be
its just the compression of not getting a break, or having downtime that builds up
hes got a great temperament and is getting so strong its incredible
but he's still sleeping really poorly through the night and 5 months of not more than three hours at a stretch is getting to me
by 9 pm by patience is super thibn so the best thing i can do for them is get them to bed as early as possible
;)
but its all good
this too shall pass
and now onto more upbeat posts
so much has happened this month that it really has felt too hard to write
mostly its the fact that ive been here alone with the babies while pablo is in germany so thats been challenging
to tell the tuth lukas is really just as chill as could be
its just the compression of not getting a break, or having downtime that builds up
hes got a great temperament and is getting so strong its incredible
but he's still sleeping really poorly through the night and 5 months of not more than three hours at a stretch is getting to me
by 9 pm by patience is super thibn so the best thing i can do for them is get them to bed as early as possible
;)
but its all good
this too shall pass
and now onto more upbeat posts
Thursday, May 18, 2006
All aboard the Love Boat
so my current life situation could really not be any more stressful
i don't think
pablo is working 15 hour days and aging by the second-
I need to ship the poor guy to Canyon Ranch for a month when the World Cup is over. He does NOT take stress well
WE moved. the renovation isnt done. were living in a space with boxes for an indefinite amount of time and im beginning to feel the heat from members of the building about us staying there. weve been wearing the same clothes for 3 weeks now and life without tv and computer and toys has been interesting. more just like the days are soooooo long.
thats supposed to be good, right?
what will iremember about 2006? the year i had lukas and designed and made a home. thats what i did. itll probably take the rest of the year to finish.
i feel alittle lost in it all- havent really been able to do much for myself- all my energies are on the kids and the renovation and trying to make our living situation comfortable and the fact that lukas won't take a bottle doesnt help the situation. i have a few art and business ideas id like to get underway but i really have no idea when i could ever begin to do them....
that makes me sad so let me instead think about
my beautiful buddha baby who is smiling at me now
Senyor Sonrisas I call him
or little Nikita(as in Khruschev)
or Burrito Baby
since he cant stay asleep
unless he is straightjacketed into the most tightest wrap ever
overhearing a conversation here at Alt Coffee:
"THings that are worth it are usually hard " says one coffee drinker to another
Is he talking to me?
No se
Luna has been saying she's pregnant lately
SHe holds up her shirt and says she has a baby in her belly
Mi baby se llama Irene she says
no se llama Irene(I-reen)se llama Irene(e re ne)
how cute is that?
admist all the chaos both little babies seem well adjusted
despite their nagging cough
i hope its not the construction dust and toxic fiberglass that i run them through on occasion
that they tramp through our home
the mark of Official Homesteader children I suppose
Preschool moms recount that Luna is always super happy and sweet with everyone
like the Carnival Cruise director of the class
my yogurt addict child
i don't think
pablo is working 15 hour days and aging by the second-
I need to ship the poor guy to Canyon Ranch for a month when the World Cup is over. He does NOT take stress well
WE moved. the renovation isnt done. were living in a space with boxes for an indefinite amount of time and im beginning to feel the heat from members of the building about us staying there. weve been wearing the same clothes for 3 weeks now and life without tv and computer and toys has been interesting. more just like the days are soooooo long.
thats supposed to be good, right?
what will iremember about 2006? the year i had lukas and designed and made a home. thats what i did. itll probably take the rest of the year to finish.
i feel alittle lost in it all- havent really been able to do much for myself- all my energies are on the kids and the renovation and trying to make our living situation comfortable and the fact that lukas won't take a bottle doesnt help the situation. i have a few art and business ideas id like to get underway but i really have no idea when i could ever begin to do them....
that makes me sad so let me instead think about
my beautiful buddha baby who is smiling at me now
Senyor Sonrisas I call him
or little Nikita(as in Khruschev)
or Burrito Baby
since he cant stay asleep
unless he is straightjacketed into the most tightest wrap ever
overhearing a conversation here at Alt Coffee:
"THings that are worth it are usually hard " says one coffee drinker to another
Is he talking to me?
No se
Luna has been saying she's pregnant lately
SHe holds up her shirt and says she has a baby in her belly
Mi baby se llama Irene she says
no se llama Irene(I-reen)se llama Irene(e re ne)
how cute is that?
admist all the chaos both little babies seem well adjusted
despite their nagging cough
i hope its not the construction dust and toxic fiberglass that i run them through on occasion
that they tramp through our home
the mark of Official Homesteader children I suppose
Preschool moms recount that Luna is always super happy and sweet with everyone
like the Carnival Cruise director of the class
my yogurt addict child
Friday, May 12, 2006
After the rain
It is an absolutely glorious green day. I am so thankful to have a park on the corner that I can walk through to get just about anywhere.
Lukas was so lucky to have been born in January, so he could hibernate at home the first few cold months and then open up his chubster self to Thompkins Square Green.
Went to go see about "work" for the Fall today at some neighborhood schools. Also a nice covert way to walk around spaces where Luna may be spending her day in a few years.
Been thinking a lot about the semantics of word "work" in my life now.
When is something you do considerd the verb work? what connotations and baggage does the word carry, especially when in relation to motherhood?
Is it work only when you are paid for something? No, that is only work as employment. The other broadly used definition is when you are exerting yourself physically or mentally in order to do, make, or accomplish something.
Is that what I am doing now? When do I clock in? and When do I clock out? Do I ever?
How is that "making" or accomplishment measured? How is the dedication of the time to nurturing a relationship with my children measured? Does it fall under the canopy of "work"? Perhaps a new word for the time and energy spent with children , particularly with the raising and caring of children needs to be created.
More on that in a future posting.
Now I'm just glad I'm not at work. I actually have time to walk around with Lukas and think about these things.
Lukas was so lucky to have been born in January, so he could hibernate at home the first few cold months and then open up his chubster self to Thompkins Square Green.
Went to go see about "work" for the Fall today at some neighborhood schools. Also a nice covert way to walk around spaces where Luna may be spending her day in a few years.
Been thinking a lot about the semantics of word "work" in my life now.
When is something you do considerd the verb work? what connotations and baggage does the word carry, especially when in relation to motherhood?
Is it work only when you are paid for something? No, that is only work as employment. The other broadly used definition is when you are exerting yourself physically or mentally in order to do, make, or accomplish something.
Is that what I am doing now? When do I clock in? and When do I clock out? Do I ever?
How is that "making" or accomplishment measured? How is the dedication of the time to nurturing a relationship with my children measured? Does it fall under the canopy of "work"? Perhaps a new word for the time and energy spent with children , particularly with the raising and caring of children needs to be created.
More on that in a future posting.
Now I'm just glad I'm not at work. I actually have time to walk around with Lukas and think about these things.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Happy four months LukasLeon!
Pulling up to close to the halfway point of 06 in the Prius and where has the time gone? .Pretty much 100 percent into domestic responsibilities and endeavors my dear watson. Giving life to Lukas, caring for him, seeing LUna through her first few months of preschool, moving our home, designing and preparing a new one...it is the stuff of a life, not the stuff of a resumee
Lukas is a full-on 4 month baby now. His infant Shar-pei wrinkles have been filled in with lots of chub..He is a super smiler
i know his secret tickle spot just to the right of his heart that will guarantee a giggle. and the conversations. i swear we spoke for twenty minutes the other day just gurgling back and forth with a few high pitched other sounds thrown in there for variation. he's also a total mamas boy -he hates the stroller and the bottle. that qualifies as an official appendage. I have five limbs in case you didnt notice.
the never ending drooling recently means i think i may have to battle out some early teething while Pablo is away
geez louise i hope not
Marcelo says Lukas' hands are like quicksand
when you relax they barely do anything
but when you pull away they tug on you
Lukas is a full-on 4 month baby now. His infant Shar-pei wrinkles have been filled in with lots of chub..He is a super smiler
i know his secret tickle spot just to the right of his heart that will guarantee a giggle. and the conversations. i swear we spoke for twenty minutes the other day just gurgling back and forth with a few high pitched other sounds thrown in there for variation. he's also a total mamas boy -he hates the stroller and the bottle. that qualifies as an official appendage. I have five limbs in case you didnt notice.
the never ending drooling recently means i think i may have to battle out some early teething while Pablo is away
geez louise i hope not
Marcelo says Lukas' hands are like quicksand
when you relax they barely do anything
but when you pull away they tug on you
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Im in love with a boy named Lukas Leon
ok so im having flashbacks to backpacking in remote peru and sitting at an internet cafe...except im sitting in the east village nowhere close to ancient indigineous spiritual magical place - or am I?
so
so when your house is full of boxes and you dont have tv bc the antenna is packed away, or any other screen for that matter, and the day is a Gorgeus as it is today, you hit the street
and you stay there ALL day.
And there is somethin so cool about just hangin out all day.
It's like when the blackout happened the summer of 03 and i was a stay at home mommy then too...just hangin out, chillin, actually stopping to talk to people who pass you by, smiling at strangers, who then are no longer so strange
and therees nothing like hangin with a new baby
just taking in blessings left and right
this morning they told me he was gonna be a singer with the lungs on him
we shall see. and Mikey Victor who I just met , nicknamed him Bubbaand is gonna watchhim as soon as he gets over his titty fetish
gotta love the PuertoRican passmebyes. Only they, as I am sashaying with crying Luki down the street, will call out "Wanna be my girlfriend? I know you got a husband...." Theyre so good like that.
Also met this amazing lady today whos been living on my block for over 50 years. she must be in her70s. old jazz singer that stil tours just spouting wisdom. lovin up my beautiful boy. talkin bout her travels and her men and her life as a rolling stone and im so grateful i wasnt multitasking when she walked by.
not to say that im not usually proud of my multitasking abilities. but what are they truly good for? only being totally unZenlike in the worst way, usually.
14 weeks since Lukas Leon entered my life and it has passed me by as Ive multitasked him away. Breastfeed and walk and talk on the cellphone. All at the same time. I can do it. Ive done it.
Now im like...why??????
Sure a lot less gets done when youre not multitasking or running around, that is fo sure.
But Im tired of being the task master.When its all said and done life unfolds only one moment at a time, whether or not youre paying attention. And all those moments count. THey add up to a childhood, and a life. And a whole lot of memories.
and i know it is hard as hell , for me , to try to be mindful all the time but how joyous and grateful do i feel when i am slowing down and paying attention. those nine months waiting for this little person and yet here he was and i was already missing it, preoccupied instead with the frantic tedium of life. So
Thats what is so great about having Luna and Lukas in my life. they are so Zen, appreciating every tiny miracle of the here and now. and this is what makes their mama so crazy, even a wannabe Zen mama like me. especially when it takes 45 minutes to walk a block because Luna has stopped to marvel at all the cracks in the sidewalk or the water running into the street drain. but where am i rushing off to anyway?
So in case youre feeling aggravated that im not answering my phone these days
I may just be shootin the shit with my neighbor
or
have my new love on my boob
so
so when your house is full of boxes and you dont have tv bc the antenna is packed away, or any other screen for that matter, and the day is a Gorgeus as it is today, you hit the street
and you stay there ALL day.
And there is somethin so cool about just hangin out all day.
It's like when the blackout happened the summer of 03 and i was a stay at home mommy then too...just hangin out, chillin, actually stopping to talk to people who pass you by, smiling at strangers, who then are no longer so strange
and therees nothing like hangin with a new baby
just taking in blessings left and right
this morning they told me he was gonna be a singer with the lungs on him
we shall see. and Mikey Victor who I just met , nicknamed him Bubbaand is gonna watchhim as soon as he gets over his titty fetish
gotta love the PuertoRican passmebyes. Only they, as I am sashaying with crying Luki down the street, will call out "Wanna be my girlfriend? I know you got a husband...." Theyre so good like that.
Also met this amazing lady today whos been living on my block for over 50 years. she must be in her70s. old jazz singer that stil tours just spouting wisdom. lovin up my beautiful boy. talkin bout her travels and her men and her life as a rolling stone and im so grateful i wasnt multitasking when she walked by.
not to say that im not usually proud of my multitasking abilities. but what are they truly good for? only being totally unZenlike in the worst way, usually.
14 weeks since Lukas Leon entered my life and it has passed me by as Ive multitasked him away. Breastfeed and walk and talk on the cellphone. All at the same time. I can do it. Ive done it.
Now im like...why??????
Sure a lot less gets done when youre not multitasking or running around, that is fo sure.
But Im tired of being the task master.When its all said and done life unfolds only one moment at a time, whether or not youre paying attention. And all those moments count. THey add up to a childhood, and a life. And a whole lot of memories.
and i know it is hard as hell , for me , to try to be mindful all the time but how joyous and grateful do i feel when i am slowing down and paying attention. those nine months waiting for this little person and yet here he was and i was already missing it, preoccupied instead with the frantic tedium of life. So
Thats what is so great about having Luna and Lukas in my life. they are so Zen, appreciating every tiny miracle of the here and now. and this is what makes their mama so crazy, even a wannabe Zen mama like me. especially when it takes 45 minutes to walk a block because Luna has stopped to marvel at all the cracks in the sidewalk or the water running into the street drain. but where am i rushing off to anyway?
So in case youre feeling aggravated that im not answering my phone these days
I may just be shootin the shit with my neighbor
or
have my new love on my boob
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Motel 7 Day2
so
my life is pretty nightmarish right now
the place we are in is like a large storage room
we are surrounded with boxes and we all sleep in the middle on a queen size mattress
dont know where anything is
no fridge or stove
its not like you can "hang out" there - well unless u r sitting on the mattress
crazy
and our space will be ready
god knows when
luckily luna is such a trooper
im amzaed and how flexible she is being to all these changes and transitions and moves
despite the fact that theres no routine
even lunch for school now has to be whatever i can get at the deli for a 3yr old
like hard boiled eggs and bananas
shes so good
she keeps me going
not to mention little lukas who just sucks away
mamas boy
inhaling construction dust all day long
left him with malcolm and allie at lisa's yesterday while i went to move the car and i could hear his blood curdling cries from the street (lisa is on the sixth floor!!!)
he loves that titty
so here i am at my fav old school internet cafe
Alt Coffee
where I guess ill just check my email every morning
since im basically urban camping on 7th street
come visit
pull up a box
at Motel 7
my life is pretty nightmarish right now
the place we are in is like a large storage room
we are surrounded with boxes and we all sleep in the middle on a queen size mattress
dont know where anything is
no fridge or stove
its not like you can "hang out" there - well unless u r sitting on the mattress
crazy
and our space will be ready
god knows when
luckily luna is such a trooper
im amzaed and how flexible she is being to all these changes and transitions and moves
despite the fact that theres no routine
even lunch for school now has to be whatever i can get at the deli for a 3yr old
like hard boiled eggs and bananas
shes so good
she keeps me going
not to mention little lukas who just sucks away
mamas boy
inhaling construction dust all day long
left him with malcolm and allie at lisa's yesterday while i went to move the car and i could hear his blood curdling cries from the street (lisa is on the sixth floor!!!)
he loves that titty
so here i am at my fav old school internet cafe
Alt Coffee
where I guess ill just check my email every morning
since im basically urban camping on 7th street
come visit
pull up a box
at Motel 7
Friday, March 31, 2006
His name is Jackson.
My daughter was flirting today.
Full-out
hair tossing
shoulder shrugging
whirling and twirling
flirting.
I couldn't believe it. When I went to pick her up from school one of her teacher's said "Luna's got a new boyfriend. His name is Jackson. She's been running after him all day." Really? I asked, secretly annoyed at the subcontext of heterosexism that her remarks implied. Then she pointed toward the playground corner.
There was my daughter, mouth agape drooling over two roughhousing boys. I walked over,said hello and introduced myself as Luna's mother. THat's Jackson, Luna pointed batting her eyelashes. She looked at me for less than half a second, eyes locked on Romeo's. Where was the Mommy Mommy gleeful run with open arms that greeted me daily? Not today. Clearly he was far more deserving. Ok Luna we have to go, I said. Nice to meet you Jackson. Bye Jackson Luna blurted as she laid a fat wet one on his lips. JAckson, two years older at the ripe old age of five, smiled sheepishly, clearly delighted with Goldilocks' affection. I reached for her preschool palm. It was still little and snot sticky.
Full-out
hair tossing
shoulder shrugging
whirling and twirling
flirting.
I couldn't believe it. When I went to pick her up from school one of her teacher's said "Luna's got a new boyfriend. His name is Jackson. She's been running after him all day." Really? I asked, secretly annoyed at the subcontext of heterosexism that her remarks implied. Then she pointed toward the playground corner.
There was my daughter, mouth agape drooling over two roughhousing boys. I walked over,said hello and introduced myself as Luna's mother. THat's Jackson, Luna pointed batting her eyelashes. She looked at me for less than half a second, eyes locked on Romeo's. Where was the Mommy Mommy gleeful run with open arms that greeted me daily? Not today. Clearly he was far more deserving. Ok Luna we have to go, I said. Nice to meet you Jackson. Bye Jackson Luna blurted as she laid a fat wet one on his lips. JAckson, two years older at the ripe old age of five, smiled sheepishly, clearly delighted with Goldilocks' affection. I reached for her preschool palm. It was still little and snot sticky.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)