Unbridled kinetic enthusiasm

Throw me on the bed
throw me on the couch
dont you worry
iwont flinch or say ouch
lukas is a raging bull
a silly puppy
a flirt
a sweathead
a blonde ball of jibberish mixed with cinnamon and spice
theres no girl way to put it

wow

Mami is it true when you die your spirit comes out again and you die again or do you just die forever?
I'm not really sure Luna, what do you think?

I think if you just die one time and your spirit comes up then you become alive again and you arent died anymore and then you die again, for awhile, like a whole weekend and then your spirit comes out over and over again

Let's pretend Lukas dies and I feelded Lukas' spirit on my shoulder and I said I feel Lukas' spirit and then he comes alive again and I would say "Lukas I feelded your spirit!"

If you died I would feel your spirit was ticklish and I would have to get it out of my way
If papi's spirit came out he would be tickling my hair and that's not very nice and I would shoo him away
Let's say I died and my spirit came up and went over the hills and into my house...

See what I mean, mami?
I think thse are good ideas Luna

Back to School

Luna's at "Big School" now.

Although she's only 4 (and 1/2)and in pre-k, she now has the opportunity to potentially rub elbows with prepubescent kids in the stairway daily. There's a lobby and over 200 kids in the building at all times and lots of adults running around whose name she does not know. This is a far larger than her hippy dippy nursery school on St.Marks with a total enrollment of 35 where anything goes.

I did not anticipate her having any issues with "Big School". Ive always been impressed with her flexibility and adaptability and after a little prepping on my part, I anticipated a smooth transition. And it was. Relatively.
Day one and two were breezes. "I go into the room first", she warned me. But on the morning of day three when Luna started to pack a purse for school with slippers she wanted to wear when she got there and little treasures to show her new buds, I thought better. "I don't think you'll be able to wear your slippers luna" i said. "And I think we better leave your purse here at home." Luna looked at me incredulously, shocked by the suggestion. "well ok, let's take them but we have to ask yourteachers when we get there if it's ok".

Sure enough,when we arrive Luna confidently marches to her cubby and proceeds to take off her shoes and put on her slippers. "Wait, let's ask Caroline - I said and turned to her teacher who was nearby watching. "Well you can bring them to school, but they have to stay in your cubby" she said. "And the purse and treasures too?" I asked. "Yeah, they have to stay in your cubby Luna."

Luna was heartbroken. She started to cry. "But it's not fair" she said. "I just want to be comfortable and wear my slippers". The voice of her St.Marks teachers echoed. "I don't want to stay".

But she did. After some coaxing, Luna stayed and now we've made it to day eight. The coast is clear. She's happy , likes her teachers and got some friends she enjoys playing with. Luna's 'big school' would hardly be described as a strict place, but it does have a few more operational and structural rules than her former spot. Nap time with shoes on, practice quiet voices in the halls and stairs, less choices at work time. It is warm, but feels more restrained. Big hugs seem to be the exception, not the rule.

Now this first impression may soon change. And I am 100% sure that this is the best place for her now - just because teachers aren't cracking jokes with her day one is not a bad thing. I guess I am just noting the ever so slight introduction of "steadiness" to her schoolday routine - the undercurrent of seriousness about her daily activities that is new. She really is getting to be a big girl.

Spontaneous

gracias papa
por esta comida que tu hiciste para la cena
te amo
gracias por mia y mila y leila, mis primas
y gracias por la comida que papa hizo
y todo el mundo
y quiero que me des muchos candies
amen

One of the relics of Luna having spent the first three years of her life with a Very religious babysitter is her call to prayer before meals. Often when we sit at the table together for a meal she will extend her arms, reach for hands, look around the table and ask with her - "who's going to say it?" At which point Pablo or I may volunteer, but it's always sweeter when she does...

or i'll just write'n my blog... ;)

theres a ton of books being written these days my mothers about their experiences as mommies
apparently no one is buying then
i'll tell you why.
we have plenty of mommys at the playground or on the street validating our ambivalent mommy feelings that it seems pointless to read in prose
to hear someone else complain about not sleeping? or complain in a book about the things we might like to complain about but don't want to say out loud?
Or to read about someone else spending 10 minutes watching their child sleep because they can't pull themselves from the magnetic angel theyve birthed?
we know the song and dance...there are very few new revalations
this project called Motherhood
is my day to day
consumes most of my thoughts anyway
and so
if i do a have a minue to sit down and pick up something to read,
id rather read The Times.

Abandon

Big up to the most gorgeous baby west of 7th street, Ms. Uma (babyuma.blogspot) - I'm back on the blog front!!!
and sho' to be takin inspiration from your moms'
the most dedicated blogga ever
what follows are bits and pieces of little things ive drafted that've been sitting in the draft folder way too long:

Luna said recently "mommy i wish you were a little girl and you could come to school and play with me all day" in the sweetest damn voice lookin up at me with her Bambi eyes and all i wanted to say was "yes i wish i could be a little girl like you too baby"
at close to 4 1/2 luna seems to be going through the adolescence of ealy childhood...theres the peers and theres the parents. one minute she's changing into a dress because she wants to "match Julia", or she wants me to leave her alone because she "needs privacy", the next she's begging me to rest my head or her pillow and stay with her until she falls asleep or looking for my smile when she's dunked her head in the pool for the first time. i sense her push and pull , and go with the flow beinning to feel nostalgic for just a year ago when she seemed lightyears younger and less independent


and my little luks?
my little adorable swedish son? i could have left him at the petting zoo for days thrusting fistfuls of feed at the goats and sheep
bracing myself everytime at his abandon
lack of fear in the slightest
and let me tell you that yould think the alpaca would look like the craziest creature ever when your 18 months
but little lukas was just freakin out at the animals everywhere
trying to pet them
(or pull their tails)


lukas doesnt walk
he runs
hes always ran
its been about 8 months now that his little torso is being propelled forward
somethin about his build makes it s that his center of gravity seems lower and he just
takes off
the second hes out of the stroller
hes off
running
and falling
and pointing
and yelling
"mire this and mire that or "mami, mire this and mami mire that"
stumbling
and running running
not looking back


luna nd lukas were taking a bath the oher day with their friend Lucian
(yes, the L possee)
having a glorious time
lukas filling and dumping and refilling an empty botte of shampoo
Lucian and Lukas taking turns spraing each other with the detachable handheld shower head... i swear luna would just lean back and lucian would spray her body
it was this pure moment of abandon as he wet her like cleopatra in the nile
and i prayed she would always be as secure
and hang-up free

Manorexic

Lukas has a fabulous diet. Bananas, grapes, yogurt, bread,cream cheese and the occasional spinach pie. Let's not gorget his favorite: potato chips and popcorn.Somehow he still manages to pick up large heavy things that would make you gasp in surprise, like dumbells.

Too cute

Luna crawling around like a turtle with Lukas on her back like the shell.

it's the thought that counts

Luna turned the big 4 today. Somewhat anti-climactic for her, as I expcted it to be. Just like last year, Luna has a hard time understanding what a birthday without the party. So when she went to sleep last night I reminded her that tomorrow was going to be her birthday , but Saturday was going to be her birthday party. Ok she said.
And so this morning she got up and we all wished her a happy birthday and she seemed mildly confused and then I brought her to school in a craze because Pablo woke up sick as a dog and couldnt do the kid routine so i was running around trying to get them ready and drop them off befor going to work late, To make a long story short I drop her off at school, and she looks like a raggedy mess, with no special birthday outfit or bows in her hair or even lunch in her bag. Not that she seems to notice.
But
I'm at work all morning thinkin bout what a bad mommy I am and how could i send her to school like a scrub when it's the only time she's going to turn 4 ever and i need to get her some lunch somehow
and so
I jet out of work at noon
and cab across town
run into a pizzeria
grab her a cold slice and then scavenge through a bodega
thinkin bout
what could I possibly bring to her class to hook it up birthday style
and damnit why didnt i bake her cupcakes the night before or something like all the other mommies out there
( i was takin care of sick household the night before, but anyway)
so thats when I see an entenmann's chocolate cake
for $4.69
just like the kind my dad would sometimes buy at the Entenmanns outlet by my house as a kid. the place where they sold three day old cakes for a dollar.
and i ran to her school, stormed up the stairs, had her teacher tell me "it's 12:15. lunch started at 12:00. she's starving."
i scowl and apologize and luna seems so delighted to see me
and i just love that
next comes hiding in the corner and lighting the cuatro candles
and her grinning and bashful all at once
we sang happy birthday
and gave out the chocolate topped yums
it was good
Then Luna asked - but where are all the goody bags?????

Fotos

So it's just way too much for me to put the photos of the babies up on the blog (at least right now), but since I have gotten a bunch of requests for pics of the little ones, bookmark this flickr site and you can chek them there every now and again when I load up new ones
love
moi

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mamairene/sets/

Recent fabulous quotes from Luni Tunes

"Where did you go yesterday?"
I went to a wedding. My friend Johnita got married.
"I want to get married"
You want to get married? Why?
"I want to wear the dress....."
Do you know what it means when you get married?
Head shakes no
It means when two people promise they want to be together forever, like abuelito and abuelita.
"Are you married with papi?"
No, but we''re almost like we're married. I rattle off alist of other couples that are married.
"I'm going to marry Lukas! We are going to be together forever!!"


Arguement over wearing a hat in the cold. She is on her scooter. Luna really does not want to wear it and begins to cry.
What's the big deal I ask? Why can't you just wear your hat?
"I want to feel the wind in my hair Mami!!! I want to feel the wind in my hair!!!!"

Eavesdropping

The scene:
I'm on the computer in the soon-to-be hooked up den/office/spillover kids room. Luna and Lukas rae occupying themselves for the time being in her room. Luna seems to be mostly talking to herself and her friendsat school that she imagines to be there with her. She seems to be negotiating sharing her sandwich(also imaginary ) with them. She is also using big grown-up scissors to cut pieces o f packing tape that i think she's using to make/tape some papers together. Lukas is quietly pulling most things off her shelves and tossing them on the floor. Lukas starts to grunt at her.
Luna interrupts her monologue, turns to him , and says, "Si, lukas yo me llamo Luna. Muy bien Lukas. Yo me llamo Luna." She then turns back around and continues talking with herself.

Quote of the Day

In the backseat, out of the blue, Luna says:
" Mama, Irene is like mama como Luna is like Moon, right?"
Luna's first analogy.

the juggling has officially begun

lukas is now 9 months old and its been harder for me to write since i went back to work
it seems kinda crazy since its only twice a week but it really does add chaos into the mix
the juggling has officially begun
Lukas is a freakin delight
his top three teeth just bared themselves to us this week
today he stood for a second without holding onto anything
and even though he still seems to be the pickiest eating 9 month older at the thompkins sqaure park playground
my mom did get him to eat a lentil today
see it must the Spanish cooking
he doesnt want that gerber bottled crap i buy
i supppose i gotta sautee him up some food mixed with love
maybe hen he'll put on some weight
pablo and i did our first pre-k tour yesterday at a local public school
it was ok - didnt love it , didnt hate it--if luna went there itd be fine i suppose
weird thing was that the school is 53% black and latino and the overwhelming majority of the folks on the tour were white....did that have to do with the fact that the tour was at 9 and parents would have to potentially go late to work to tour and some people can afford to miss work and some cant? i dunno....then the parent coordinator who gave the tour ws PuertoRican but a white father from the school volunteered to "help" out and accompanied u son the tour and chimd in and helped give answers to questions parents asked...i noticed none of the other white led tours seemed to have similar "volunteers"...... i dunno, but it definetley had me thinking about the racial politics and choices in my daugters upcoming education...too many things to figure out
luna is as wonderful as can be..she is very busy writing these days. love stiny little notepads where she writes rows of the letter L or O and then translates the messages for me.
shes my little squirrel, her toys are like acorns that she carries around the house with her..i find them hidden behind cereal boxes, in my bedside drawers, next to my toothpaste...wrapped in toilet paper, napkins, covered with tape - these are her treasures. A found seed. A special pen. An envelope discarded.

New on the kiddie front

Lukas turned 7 months today. Still offically refusing the bottle so next week when I'm back at work will not be fun at all for Titi , his babysitter. tried baby food again today after a brief stint in Germany and then a two week hiatus. The peaches and bananas were a huge hit ,the avocado and zucchini made him gag and vomit. I'm really hoping he's not going to be a picky eater , but i have a slight premonition he might be. Maybe he just has a sweet tooth.
his favorite thing to do these days is crawl around and sample everything with his mouth. we especially need to be on shoe alert since that seems to be his number one attraction. WE.ve been keeping them in a box by the door that Luna will cover when she sees him crawl in their direction. He also likes to stand by the stove and watch the action.
Luna is just three going on thirty. She's reminding me all day of things I need to do, groceries we need to buy, and the laundry we need to pick up. Can you tell I've been doing my thinking aloud around her? She's also super into writing. She has a zillion little notebooks and pencils or markers and she imitates me making lists of things . She's always asking me what are you writing mama? She gets so excited when she recognizes a letter of the alphabet or spots a letter in her name in a different word. Lately she's really been into playing with her dolls. She'll play by herself- I hear her cooking for them, reading books to them, putting them to sleep, caring for them when theyre sick. It is so damn precious. Delicious. And in the past two months she's started to pick out her clothes. THat's another new development.Scrumptious.

Duplex denial

So Luna, Lukas and I are sleeping on the couch together tonight. And it's not a pullout-couch.
THis two floor thing is just hard for me to maneuver alone with the kids. I guess I'll have to get a baby monitor like a suburban mom.
The problem is I'm worried they might roll off my bed without my body to barricade the edge. So since I didn't feel like going to sleep tonight at 9:30 , like I probably should have, I had to put them to sleep upstairs in the room where I can email.
A flight of stairs to go to the bedroom? It all feels so disconnected and far. After all, I'm justa simple girl from Queens who grew up in an apartment with one bathroom. I don't know...I'm starting to miss one room living. Too many rooms to spread the mess and then worry about straightening up

having sick children sucks

so it's almost funny to me now that I see the last time I had written was at the beginning of what proved to be two sick weeks with Lukas, which included eight nights in the hospital, and now it's all over and done.
I would not have guessed the last time I blogged that Lukas/ two day fever would slowly creep to 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 days of fever topping out at 104.4. Oh also a three day rash in the middle. And a night in the hospital whie they tried to figure it out and pricked his body for test tubes.
this inexplicable condition(later called "randon virus") left poor LL's immune system shot
and ripe for the attack
of a nasty bacteria that blew his eye up to the size of a golf ball. Boy had his eye glued shot. Looked like he had been knocked out in round one by some giant baby boxer.
All kinds of tests, blood tests, urine tests, Cat Scan. You name it. Damn eye refuses to buckle to antibiotics. We had a scary few days where we wondered how much more the infection would spread. The pediatric opthamologist and company had to basically pry open his eye and hold it open with these torturous calipers. Yes they used numbing drops. No I don't think they worked because I've never heard him sream like that and he had me crying.
Finally on day three his eyeball began to appear once again. Never so glad to see an eyeball in my life.
Had me shacked up with him at Hotel St.Vincent's( as I referred to my stay) ...Swear I was getting bed sores from that damn twin cot we shared. Yes he had a crib. No he did not sleep there.
Pretty great view of the West Village from our suite. Seventh Avenue rarely has traffic and WEst 11th Street looks like a forest from above are my newfound conclusions. It's really nice to get daytime visitors because mostly people are usually at work and it's a loooong day since they are basically checking his temperature around the clock
Hospital food left me looking like I need to be fed and no I wasn't going to be ordering $ 10 minimum delivery three times a day. Had my hour of parole when Pablo and Luna would visit in the evening. THen I'd take Luna for a stroll so we could do a little motherdaughter bonding and I could leave the eighth floor.
Haven't watched that much daytime TV in my life. i now have a newfound addiction to Oprah, The View AND becoming their new host. Call Barbara Walters now.
On the brightside,
we did do some serious bonding, Lukas and I. As much as I wanted to read my paper or magazines, Lukas would only let me at it for 15 minutes or so before his rotation of crib toys thoroughly bored his ass. So mostly he'd just hang on the bed with me. WE cuddled. Boy did we cuddle. That was the best. He's so damn cute. And in a twisted way it was nice to just disappear and not have to deal with the day to day nonsense and just be holed up in a hospital reading Star magazine and spending serious QT with my Lukis
And it was wild to take note of this killer maternal instinct aimed at every person that approached my child. I scrutinized their hands and took note of their personal hygiene. Requested they scrub up if necessary .
THe whole hospital sociology is enough material for a doctorate thesis so that was pretty interesting to witness and observe. THe pecking order of nurse assistants, nurses, residents and doctors...never mind that all the residents appeared to be younger than I and so their manner and tone was generally just weird...
The best part was when I scolded the res and told her I didn't like her bedside manner. Ok I'm clearly rambling.....
POint of it all is Luna's on rotation now at the infirmary which is my house. SHe's got an ear infection. So now each of them is taking two different medications that need to be administered at different times of day in different doses over different periods of time and I swear that that in itself is a full-time job. Like I need to make a huge chart/timeline of it all and stick it on my wall.
On another note I am so very priviliged not to have to worry about hospital fees, doctors rates, or the climbing number of sick visit co-pays I've accumulated this August. I have good health insurance. I am in the finicially stable position of being able to stay by Lukas' side for eight nights in the hospital. I have a partner that helped me with Luna and could turn to for emotional support.
And there goes two weeks of my life because really Ive done nothing else except manage their health and try to stay sane in the process. Children replace you as the most important people in the world. And that is a joy . To love so much. Gotta go wake up Luks. Time for his meds.....

vaccines suck

poor little LUki has not been such a happy camper these past almost 48 hours
the damn shots just made him into zombie baby and now hot baby
as in damn this baby's hot, hot
as in give him a bath at 3 in the morning to cool him down and i think we gotta keep track of his fever rectally hot, hot
poor baby
i started to really freak when he turned his head away at my boob
i couldnt believe it
what? how you gonna deny yourself my boob in your time of need
made me a little panicky-he must really be not feeling well i thought
for a brief hot second fleeting thought sof weaning him flashed
but the sadness at the prospect that followed set me straight
go figure
being a mommy, a stay at home mommy is to dance the yin and yang of motherhood
most of the time i am loving it, but then there are the moments of struggle
i love how connected i feel with him, the communiation that passes in our eye contact is unreal
how is it that a mother can know exactly what her child is feeling---it is no wonder then , that she panics when she can't figure out what it could be
i love my lazy days with him, bathing him old school in the kitchen sink
my companion for the day
all day --my sidekick, my buddy
it is special
by home is starting to take shape
i am giving myself to the end of the month
then i have to start to shift and begin to focus on other things hopefully
but it is pretty hard to do when you live in clutter
tryin to clear the clutter these days
come over and take some home with you
nah
just carry it out
;)

ms.independent

everything is preceded by I can do it myself
and the crazy thing is she can
or at least it seems as though ever since she pulled her dora suitcase through the berlin airport something magically transformed her into a little girl
im not a baby mama
im a girl
she can dress herself, full-on pull the shirt over her head and get the arms through
i skipped over picking out the clothes, another brand new development

she keeps herself amazingly busy when lukas naps in the hotel room by working
im working mama. i cant talk right now .you have to wait a few minutes
then she procedes to throw all her clothes on the floor and individually fold (or attemppt to fold) each one and place them in a neat anal row
she'll do the same with lukas' things and offer to refold all my clothes also
she also works at the desk making methodical rows of the letters L and O on hotel note paper, cutting them up with scissors and folding them into presents for us or she'll play with the digital camera and go through the photos we've taken and remind me of all the little details ive already forgotten about each one

the bathroom door is closed sometimes these days
i need privacy mama
ok i say and pretend to nonchantly continue doing whatever i was doing slighly saddened? miffed? pushed aside? by the closing door
ooh im gonna freak when she leaves me one day for good

a penis looks kinda like a hot dog, right mama?
this i get ten minutes into naptime when i coulda sworn she was sleeping
what prompted this thought at a totally nonpenis moment?
i do not know

lukas in deutchland

lukas podowsky is a famous player on the geramn national soccer team
been the running joke when i say his name
hardy har har
lukas leon will be competing in some infant weighlifting competition any day now because boy is he strong
no joke
my boy is crawling and sitting up and basically pulling himself up and he's ony 51/2 months
out of control
all on my milk because try to get him to swallow a spoon of carrots and no way jose
lately hes finding the carpet at the hotel lobby most interesting as well as mauling any travel brochure, map, or colorful publication
fell off the bed and suffered a slight bump and scratch to the head but nothing a few pellets of arnica didnt heal right up