Doggie Run

I'm sitting in bed
reading
the door is ajar
and i watch
Lukas
on his hands and knees yelling Ruff Ruff Mommy
Luna throwing around credit cards for her doggie to fetch
a very obedient puppy
Sit and he does

Tear Jerker

luna cried watching a movie tonite
is was a pretty intense awakening for her
Akeelah and the Bee - how cute is that?
she yells for me pointing incredulously to her watery eyes
look look its making me cry!!
and then she kinda beamed
like she recognized the beauty of the feeling
of feeling compassionate for the character
such a stark difference
to the normal deadpan face projected when watching dose after dose of saccharine children's programming
its like she was astonished
that a movie could provoke her to become emotional.

little does she remember that it did happen once when she was 3
and the movie was Spirit
but still
it was different

sweetly sleeping

dear lukas leon,

I can't believe you are only 2 and change, 32 months, 3 in January.
I feel like I've been with you forever
but also
not

new layers shed
petals grow

wild
to know you
every single day of life

boy
monkey
lion

Pressing Election questions

Did John McCain's wife have her babies out of her vagina or did she have to cut her belly?
Did Barack Obama's wife have her babies out of her vagina or did she have to cut her belly?

Does John McCain have any children? Boys or girls? What are their names? How old are they?
Does Barack Obama have any children? Boys or girls? What are their names? How old are they?

Does John McCain have any pets?
Does Barack Obama have any pets?

Birth

So Luna asks me intensely the other day: How did I get out of your belly? The look on her eyes told me, "don't play ma, what is the story lady?" And so I said "You came out my vagina?" "Oh. But don't some people they have to open their stomach?" And so I went on to explain a C-Section and there were 9 million questions. How do they cut it? Who cuts it? Does it hurt ? And on. The odd, funny maybe deep thing about the whole conversation was that she really had little to no questions about vaginal birth. As if it sounded like the most normal thing in the world. As if why would anyone think it'd ever be too early to tell me that?

Wheels

Watching Lukas on his scooter is pretty amazing
and its not just because i'm his mom
people stop me right and left
talkin bout how old is he, shakin their heads, as he whizzes by
fearless
unstoppable
blond ambition
flyin by
experimenting with pop-up wheelies
ballerina arabesques
and fancy footwork
weaving through the Loisaida streets
Luna on her 2 wheeler tryin to keep up
with the mad urban surfer
ridin those street cracks
free as birds

when i grow up

when youre a big kid or a grown -up you get to walk out by yourself
pretty soon im going to be a big kid and im going to walk out by myself and get bubble gum
when i grow up
im gonna have my own house
and i'm gonna live in brooklyn (whered she get that?)

i just love these shoes mama (re: high heels)
when im a big kid and when im a grown up im going to wear these shoes everyday
even when im dead im going to wear these shoes everyday
but not with the same clothes

unbridled

lukas is talkin lots these days
mostly expressing what he wants
doesnt want
likes
doesnt like
no celebrity talk
gossip or chitchat
just
raw
uncensored
unmediated
outbursts of
joy
anger
fear
sadness
the bigees
and then some
how does it all get so layered
occulted and restrained
why is acting childish a bad thing?

eye level at 3 feet

Ive let luna use my digital camera since she was three
i say use and not play
shell sit with it, take, delet, and playback images
yada yada yada
anyway so
now and then again she'll request to use it.
with intention.
next thing i know there goes a zillion shots on the memory card
what strikes me about them
is not their framing or composition,
or they being some ironic tongue in cheek type shot of a guy in handcuffs in front of an american flag
but how they so profoundly capture and log
what she deems most significant and important in her world
pictures out the bus window
trees, people, fire hydrants
her new kicks
or the endless digital self-portraits
that someone's dissertation is deconstructing
countless shots of mundane objects in the house
candles and detergent bottles
pancake recipes in cookbooks, purses, toys
the building and her hood
tiled floors, apartment numbers, new friends in the park
dirty feet
grass leaves flowers
simple
i see the world through a childs eyes
what is picture worthy
picture perfect
snapshot or photographs
both

thoughts before bedtime

A moment I enjoy very much is the time right before the kids afll asllep. No, to the cynics reading, not beacuse I am happy they will soon be asleep but because it is in that quiet dark space that Luna (so far) will say the most randomest things that help clue me in to some part of her psyche that she has not shared with me thus far. From her "last thoughts before I totallly just knock out" I get a chance to hear what she is replaying or turning over in her mind.

Tonite for example, she asks;
Do you know the game Seven Up?

Memories of first grade with Ms.McCay came back to me.
I'm not sure, tell me about it I say.
I love to hear her explain things.

well you hafta put your heads down and your thumbs up and the picker puts a thumb down
and then you hafta guess the picker.

That sounded right. And intelligebile, at least to someone who's played before.

Why do you ask?

well we played today in summer camp. And I got to be the picker.

Did you gave fun? Did you like the game?

Yeah. they said we're gonna get to play it again. I was thinking when Papi comes back from California maybe we
could all play seven-up, the whole family.

On other recent occasions:


Just one more question before I go to sleep mami...
Am I six feet tall?

Now that was truly random and without further explanation.

Or the more common:

How many more days until my birthday?

Luna and I had a really intense moment not too long ago when I joked with her and told her that next year on her birthday I was only going to put five instead of six candles on her cake. At first she just smiled in the dark, but then when I continued in a serious way about it, she became really upset. Luna emphatically repeated "you can't mama i'm going to be six, i'm going to be six" and it was clear this was something of grave importance to her. Tear provoking importance. I felt badly and told her I was just kidding and I think her sigh of relief was so great it just sent her off to sleep immediately. The symbol of the candle, to imagine feeling that someone could make you stuck at a certain age, it's all such a trip.

Poetry

So this happened awhile ago, but I wrote it and saved it on a scrap of paper that I just came across...
The setting: Luna and I are at the BAM Martin Luther King celebration . We are sitting in the auditorium. On the stage is a huge ginormous image of Dr. King that serves as a backdrop for the speakers and musicians. Luna is sitting intently looking at it all, squinting. Finally she says, "Martin Luther King doesn't look like a king mama." I brace myself. Oh no, please don't let some kind of crazy ass f*cked up stuff come out your mouth that you internalized from who knows where, I think. "No?", I ask ever so nonchalantly,"Why not?" "He's not wearing a crown, mama. How come he doesn't have a crown?" Thoughts of creating a Basquiat-inspired crowned Martin flashed before my eyes and I smiled. Or maybe the opening lines to a future spoken word.

"It's not that cold today, mama. Do I have to wear my coat? Can't I just wear my life jacket?" Sure, Luna you can wear the vest.

BammBamm

We may just have to be the Flintstones this Halloween
Lukas is full-on Bamm Bamm, what with his blond Dutch boy bob and
superpower strength that belies his age.
Like the cartoon toddler, Lukas often yells for the sheer joy of it while pounding the floor with drumsticks, hammers,dinosaurs,(yes all handy items).In the process he will either shake the room hes in or have us crack up at the contrast of it all. Whether it's rearranging furniture, or doing chin-ups at the monkey bars, they are all feats of Lukas Leon.
Lukas is also really into wearing Lunas old dinosaur/dragon costume and running around growling and roaring at us. And how could I forget to mention his ever penchant for night-time suckling in the most carnal way possible

Lukas- The Profile

What can i say about my little boy these days except I think I need to move his middle name Leon to first name status?
He does roar on a regular basis, you know.
I have no idea how it started, but every now and again, Lukas Leon is apt to belt out a Lion King roar at another toddler touching his things. This strategy works very well in fending off a few of his buddies- no wonder he keeps it up. Besides his feral proclivities, Lukas is confident, active, and sometimes called "she" by folks due to his long hair. He loves animals and making animal noises, especially those of sheep, cows, pigs, horses and cats. He repeats everything Luna does and wants all day long- except the neveverending desire to dive from the armrest into the couch. That's all him.
He is a fan of yogurt and saltines, and pizza. Exclusively.
He is talking up a storm and still wakes up in the middle of the night. Every night. Hence, the three am emails you may receive from me.

Kid art

It is so hard for me to part with Luna or Lukas' artwork. the scribbled scraps of paper or labored chorus of hearts sing of an overflowing creative energy
to lack the responsibilities of grown-ups
the nonsense of maturity and seriousness
it is no wonder hey are so happy speeding so much time channeling artistic expression
part of me saves so much because in my heart i know the days of multitude of drawings will grow dimmer and although their creative spirit will surely manifest itself in other ways, right now i'm just loving seeing it visually in front of me.
maybe it is only the doodles a mother could love, but i am their mother
damn it
;)

Bad grammar

I really can't bear to correct them when they make mistakes
I know Luna won't be saying I liked-ed this or I liked-ed that at thirty
and Lukas won't be saying I want casa neither
so for now it's just too damn cute to hear them mix it all-up
the waiters (meaning flight attendants) on the plane who needed to bring us earmuffs(meaning headsets)
maybe it is because i am such a linguistics lover that i love it so much
the made up vocabulary
the spanglish
the grammar
or lack thereof
walkin poetics.