so my current life situation could really not be any more stressful
i don't think
pablo is working 15 hour days and aging by the second-
I need to ship the poor guy to Canyon Ranch for a month when the World Cup is over. He does NOT take stress well
WE moved. the renovation isnt done. were living in a space with boxes for an indefinite amount of time and im beginning to feel the heat from members of the building about us staying there. weve been wearing the same clothes for 3 weeks now and life without tv and computer and toys has been interesting. more just like the days are soooooo long.
thats supposed to be good, right?
what will iremember about 2006? the year i had lukas and designed and made a home. thats what i did. itll probably take the rest of the year to finish.
i feel alittle lost in it all- havent really been able to do much for myself- all my energies are on the kids and the renovation and trying to make our living situation comfortable and the fact that lukas won't take a bottle doesnt help the situation. i have a few art and business ideas id like to get underway but i really have no idea when i could ever begin to do them....
that makes me sad so let me instead think about
my beautiful buddha baby who is smiling at me now
Senyor Sonrisas I call him
or little Nikita(as in Khruschev)
or Burrito Baby
since he cant stay asleep
unless he is straightjacketed into the most tightest wrap ever
overhearing a conversation here at Alt Coffee:
"THings that are worth it are usually hard " says one coffee drinker to another
Is he talking to me?
No se
Luna has been saying she's pregnant lately
SHe holds up her shirt and says she has a baby in her belly
Mi baby se llama Irene she says
no se llama Irene(I-reen)se llama Irene(e re ne)
how cute is that?
admist all the chaos both little babies seem well adjusted
despite their nagging cough
i hope its not the construction dust and toxic fiberglass that i run them through on occasion
that they tramp through our home
the mark of Official Homesteader children I suppose
Preschool moms recount that Luna is always super happy and sweet with everyone
like the Carnival Cruise director of the class
my yogurt addict child
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
After the rain
It is an absolutely glorious green day. I am so thankful to have a park on the corner that I can walk through to get just about anywhere.
Lukas was so lucky to have been born in January, so he could hibernate at home the first few cold months and then open up his chubster self to Thompkins Square Green.
Went to go see about "work" for the Fall today at some neighborhood schools. Also a nice covert way to walk around spaces where Luna may be spending her day in a few years.
Been thinking a lot about the semantics of word "work" in my life now.
When is something you do considerd the verb work? what connotations and baggage does the word carry, especially when in relation to motherhood?
Is it work only when you are paid for something? No, that is only work as employment. The other broadly used definition is when you are exerting yourself physically or mentally in order to do, make, or accomplish something.
Is that what I am doing now? When do I clock in? and When do I clock out? Do I ever?
How is that "making" or accomplishment measured? How is the dedication of the time to nurturing a relationship with my children measured? Does it fall under the canopy of "work"? Perhaps a new word for the time and energy spent with children , particularly with the raising and caring of children needs to be created.
More on that in a future posting.
Now I'm just glad I'm not at work. I actually have time to walk around with Lukas and think about these things.
Lukas was so lucky to have been born in January, so he could hibernate at home the first few cold months and then open up his chubster self to Thompkins Square Green.
Went to go see about "work" for the Fall today at some neighborhood schools. Also a nice covert way to walk around spaces where Luna may be spending her day in a few years.
Been thinking a lot about the semantics of word "work" in my life now.
When is something you do considerd the verb work? what connotations and baggage does the word carry, especially when in relation to motherhood?
Is it work only when you are paid for something? No, that is only work as employment. The other broadly used definition is when you are exerting yourself physically or mentally in order to do, make, or accomplish something.
Is that what I am doing now? When do I clock in? and When do I clock out? Do I ever?
How is that "making" or accomplishment measured? How is the dedication of the time to nurturing a relationship with my children measured? Does it fall under the canopy of "work"? Perhaps a new word for the time and energy spent with children , particularly with the raising and caring of children needs to be created.
More on that in a future posting.
Now I'm just glad I'm not at work. I actually have time to walk around with Lukas and think about these things.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Happy four months LukasLeon!
Pulling up to close to the halfway point of 06 in the Prius and where has the time gone? .Pretty much 100 percent into domestic responsibilities and endeavors my dear watson. Giving life to Lukas, caring for him, seeing LUna through her first few months of preschool, moving our home, designing and preparing a new one...it is the stuff of a life, not the stuff of a resumee
Lukas is a full-on 4 month baby now. His infant Shar-pei wrinkles have been filled in with lots of chub..He is a super smiler
i know his secret tickle spot just to the right of his heart that will guarantee a giggle. and the conversations. i swear we spoke for twenty minutes the other day just gurgling back and forth with a few high pitched other sounds thrown in there for variation. he's also a total mamas boy -he hates the stroller and the bottle. that qualifies as an official appendage. I have five limbs in case you didnt notice.
the never ending drooling recently means i think i may have to battle out some early teething while Pablo is away
geez louise i hope not
Marcelo says Lukas' hands are like quicksand
when you relax they barely do anything
but when you pull away they tug on you
Lukas is a full-on 4 month baby now. His infant Shar-pei wrinkles have been filled in with lots of chub..He is a super smiler
i know his secret tickle spot just to the right of his heart that will guarantee a giggle. and the conversations. i swear we spoke for twenty minutes the other day just gurgling back and forth with a few high pitched other sounds thrown in there for variation. he's also a total mamas boy -he hates the stroller and the bottle. that qualifies as an official appendage. I have five limbs in case you didnt notice.
the never ending drooling recently means i think i may have to battle out some early teething while Pablo is away
geez louise i hope not
Marcelo says Lukas' hands are like quicksand
when you relax they barely do anything
but when you pull away they tug on you
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Im in love with a boy named Lukas Leon
ok so im having flashbacks to backpacking in remote peru and sitting at an internet cafe...except im sitting in the east village nowhere close to ancient indigineous spiritual magical place - or am I?
so
so when your house is full of boxes and you dont have tv bc the antenna is packed away, or any other screen for that matter, and the day is a Gorgeus as it is today, you hit the street
and you stay there ALL day.
And there is somethin so cool about just hangin out all day.
It's like when the blackout happened the summer of 03 and i was a stay at home mommy then too...just hangin out, chillin, actually stopping to talk to people who pass you by, smiling at strangers, who then are no longer so strange
and therees nothing like hangin with a new baby
just taking in blessings left and right
this morning they told me he was gonna be a singer with the lungs on him
we shall see. and Mikey Victor who I just met , nicknamed him Bubbaand is gonna watchhim as soon as he gets over his titty fetish
gotta love the PuertoRican passmebyes. Only they, as I am sashaying with crying Luki down the street, will call out "Wanna be my girlfriend? I know you got a husband...." Theyre so good like that.
Also met this amazing lady today whos been living on my block for over 50 years. she must be in her70s. old jazz singer that stil tours just spouting wisdom. lovin up my beautiful boy. talkin bout her travels and her men and her life as a rolling stone and im so grateful i wasnt multitasking when she walked by.
not to say that im not usually proud of my multitasking abilities. but what are they truly good for? only being totally unZenlike in the worst way, usually.
14 weeks since Lukas Leon entered my life and it has passed me by as Ive multitasked him away. Breastfeed and walk and talk on the cellphone. All at the same time. I can do it. Ive done it.
Now im like...why??????
Sure a lot less gets done when youre not multitasking or running around, that is fo sure.
But Im tired of being the task master.When its all said and done life unfolds only one moment at a time, whether or not youre paying attention. And all those moments count. THey add up to a childhood, and a life. And a whole lot of memories.
and i know it is hard as hell , for me , to try to be mindful all the time but how joyous and grateful do i feel when i am slowing down and paying attention. those nine months waiting for this little person and yet here he was and i was already missing it, preoccupied instead with the frantic tedium of life. So
Thats what is so great about having Luna and Lukas in my life. they are so Zen, appreciating every tiny miracle of the here and now. and this is what makes their mama so crazy, even a wannabe Zen mama like me. especially when it takes 45 minutes to walk a block because Luna has stopped to marvel at all the cracks in the sidewalk or the water running into the street drain. but where am i rushing off to anyway?
So in case youre feeling aggravated that im not answering my phone these days
I may just be shootin the shit with my neighbor
or
have my new love on my boob
so
so when your house is full of boxes and you dont have tv bc the antenna is packed away, or any other screen for that matter, and the day is a Gorgeus as it is today, you hit the street
and you stay there ALL day.
And there is somethin so cool about just hangin out all day.
It's like when the blackout happened the summer of 03 and i was a stay at home mommy then too...just hangin out, chillin, actually stopping to talk to people who pass you by, smiling at strangers, who then are no longer so strange
and therees nothing like hangin with a new baby
just taking in blessings left and right
this morning they told me he was gonna be a singer with the lungs on him
we shall see. and Mikey Victor who I just met , nicknamed him Bubbaand is gonna watchhim as soon as he gets over his titty fetish
gotta love the PuertoRican passmebyes. Only they, as I am sashaying with crying Luki down the street, will call out "Wanna be my girlfriend? I know you got a husband...." Theyre so good like that.
Also met this amazing lady today whos been living on my block for over 50 years. she must be in her70s. old jazz singer that stil tours just spouting wisdom. lovin up my beautiful boy. talkin bout her travels and her men and her life as a rolling stone and im so grateful i wasnt multitasking when she walked by.
not to say that im not usually proud of my multitasking abilities. but what are they truly good for? only being totally unZenlike in the worst way, usually.
14 weeks since Lukas Leon entered my life and it has passed me by as Ive multitasked him away. Breastfeed and walk and talk on the cellphone. All at the same time. I can do it. Ive done it.
Now im like...why??????
Sure a lot less gets done when youre not multitasking or running around, that is fo sure.
But Im tired of being the task master.When its all said and done life unfolds only one moment at a time, whether or not youre paying attention. And all those moments count. THey add up to a childhood, and a life. And a whole lot of memories.
and i know it is hard as hell , for me , to try to be mindful all the time but how joyous and grateful do i feel when i am slowing down and paying attention. those nine months waiting for this little person and yet here he was and i was already missing it, preoccupied instead with the frantic tedium of life. So
Thats what is so great about having Luna and Lukas in my life. they are so Zen, appreciating every tiny miracle of the here and now. and this is what makes their mama so crazy, even a wannabe Zen mama like me. especially when it takes 45 minutes to walk a block because Luna has stopped to marvel at all the cracks in the sidewalk or the water running into the street drain. but where am i rushing off to anyway?
So in case youre feeling aggravated that im not answering my phone these days
I may just be shootin the shit with my neighbor
or
have my new love on my boob
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Motel 7 Day2
so
my life is pretty nightmarish right now
the place we are in is like a large storage room
we are surrounded with boxes and we all sleep in the middle on a queen size mattress
dont know where anything is
no fridge or stove
its not like you can "hang out" there - well unless u r sitting on the mattress
crazy
and our space will be ready
god knows when
luckily luna is such a trooper
im amzaed and how flexible she is being to all these changes and transitions and moves
despite the fact that theres no routine
even lunch for school now has to be whatever i can get at the deli for a 3yr old
like hard boiled eggs and bananas
shes so good
she keeps me going
not to mention little lukas who just sucks away
mamas boy
inhaling construction dust all day long
left him with malcolm and allie at lisa's yesterday while i went to move the car and i could hear his blood curdling cries from the street (lisa is on the sixth floor!!!)
he loves that titty
so here i am at my fav old school internet cafe
Alt Coffee
where I guess ill just check my email every morning
since im basically urban camping on 7th street
come visit
pull up a box
at Motel 7
my life is pretty nightmarish right now
the place we are in is like a large storage room
we are surrounded with boxes and we all sleep in the middle on a queen size mattress
dont know where anything is
no fridge or stove
its not like you can "hang out" there - well unless u r sitting on the mattress
crazy
and our space will be ready
god knows when
luckily luna is such a trooper
im amzaed and how flexible she is being to all these changes and transitions and moves
despite the fact that theres no routine
even lunch for school now has to be whatever i can get at the deli for a 3yr old
like hard boiled eggs and bananas
shes so good
she keeps me going
not to mention little lukas who just sucks away
mamas boy
inhaling construction dust all day long
left him with malcolm and allie at lisa's yesterday while i went to move the car and i could hear his blood curdling cries from the street (lisa is on the sixth floor!!!)
he loves that titty
so here i am at my fav old school internet cafe
Alt Coffee
where I guess ill just check my email every morning
since im basically urban camping on 7th street
come visit
pull up a box
at Motel 7
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)